Recovering From Self

Fear and failure go hand in hand, I fear failing and so I never stand.

I sit idly by far too often with a heart that’s hardened but is trying to soften.

Inspiration alludes me as I sit here tonight, not sure what I’m feeling, so I’m not sure what to write.

Am I stable or just empty, I feel devoid of emotion, hollowed out, and soft spoken.

I can’t speak up because I don’t know what to say, my identity is changing, and I’m waiting for a new day.

Yet a new day doesn’t come, each is feeling the same as the last, I look to the future, but I am gripped by my past.

Will I last, will I make it through these times? Can I really change my whole outlook with a few simple rhymes?

Not sure how to stand, not sure how to speak, but I can write these words, and try to recover from being weak.

Unexpected Falls

One last piece to work this all out before I just scream, before I just shout.

It’s built up and grown out, until it hit the peak, these feelings that blossomed making me both strong and weak.

I’ve felt so alive, I’ve felt so dead, a confusing connection that may have all been in my head.

I’ve fallen before, time and time again, and yet I didn’t expect this, didn’t mean to let you in.

The excuse of being open, but why was I open with her, some doors should stay closed no matter the allure.

But still I was so caught up, lost in the forest, consumed by the stars, I just wanted the opportunity to learn who you are.

Though I feel it wasn’t my place wrong time, wrong person, we are galaxies away.

I tried and I prayed yet still I feel I failed, why feel like this if our connection will only grow cold and stale.

Am I giving up or is it just not right, I’m not sure what I’m meant to do she gives me vision yet clouds my sight.

Never been so lost in the way I feel, but at the very least I know when I fell… that it was real.

The Reason for Repetition

A repeating story that I no longer want to hear, and yet it forces it’s way past my defenses, booming in my ears.

I see you clear as the day, though I cant speak the words that I truly want to say.

These words will be trapped and soon this too shall pass, and yet I didn’t want to let this one go; you reached into me… set a fire within my soul.

You set me ablaze and reminded me of the beauty this world has to give, It is partially because of you that I once again live.

I see what you’ve given me and try to just be thankful for what this has been, but I cant help wanting more, can’t help wanting to be let in.

I want to be let in to your life, to truly know you beyond just what I can write.

Because I can explain the you that I see with all the words I know, but it isn’t enough, I need to know how and why you glow.

You glow with a light that has brought color back into my days, I can’t help but smile when I have the opportunity to meet your gaze.

I have tried to meet it as often as I can, for I know it is fleeting, and soon I am unlikely to meet that gaze again.

Because soon you will leave without me ever having tried, and I cant help mourning the inspiration that will have died.

You have done for my words what none have been able to before, you’ve affected me, and changed me, changed me at my core.

So of course I want more, of course this ballad repeats, I want to be closer to the fire that is you, I want to be warmed by your heat.

The Distance in the Stars

Why are these feelings permitted to well up inside, when did I allow this, why can’t I just hide.

Why does it chase me, why must I feel like this, hopelessly enamored, unprepared for the end to this bliss.

Our connection fades as I’ve just begun to fall, why is it you, and why is my attraction not my call.

I’ve fallen, I’m hopeless, completely caught up in your presence, you awoke a fire inside me where once my inspiration was deadened.

I had reached a place where I no longer knew if I could write, and yet you restored me, blind but given sight.

And what a feeling it is to once again see, for to take you in is everything to me.

So much to say with so little space on a page, to say who you are I could sit and write for days.

And yet I know I’ve only begun to explore, I see you at your surface, but I yearn to know more.

I thirst in a drought to know who you truly are, stuck on earth looking at the twinkle of a blazing star.

The fire you create, the warmth you exude, you are the sun of my galaxy and I am hopeless in my orbit of you.

Peaceful Yet Powerful

Of course mornings are dreary when all my nights are long… and yet I’m awakened by your sweet song.

Awake, yet at peace, the duality of having dreams when my eyes are wide, I feel the warmth only you create growing with great stride.

And of course your warmth would stride and sprint, for you move with the wind.

You are steady, you are gentle, and yet you are so much more; you have the power to destroy and yet instead you restore.

You are quiet, yet your whisper is strong, if only its peace could reach me when my nights become so long.

I am restless and weary, and yet still I write; for though peace is what you breathe, it is a peace that allows me to fight.

The Days Are Made of Mountains

Today feels like a haze and I don’t know why, I’m pushing, I’m fighting, and I won’t cease to try.

Yet today I feel slow, today I feel like I’m letting go.

My goals are meaningful but today I’m losing hope, I’ve been coming out of the valley, but it is such a steep slope.

I climb and I climb, but my hands are slipping, my feet lose their hold and so I’m gripping.

Grabbing hold for dear life, that fact that life is more dear should certainly suffice.

For there once was a time that life didn’t have worth, I couldn’t see the why, I couldn’t see the possibility for rebirth.

And yet here I stand atop a ledge reaching for that one hand.

The hand of He who has always been by my side, carried me when I fell, comforted me when I cried.

My tears they had purpose, so did my sweat and blood; I fight this fight no matter how deep I sink into the mud.

I am here, I am alive, and so I blow away the haze; I strive for good reason,  I will reach better days.

My Eyes in the Storm

Now the floodgates are open, I’ve been made anew, I write once again, I’ve finally made it through.

The walls are broken down, my emotions crash in waves, I feel every ounce of the water as it covers my old self’s grave.

For I have died and been reborn, a Phoenix rising in the middle of a storm.

The rain is torrential, the downpour is heavy the wind and the rain come, but I stand steady.

I find myself standing firm atop these waves, my feet held up by the name Yahweh

Solid ground in the middle of an ocean, I am making progress now and have to believe that I have been chosen.

Chosen for something great, too spread a great name, chosen for this and so my pen takes my pain.

The pain is transformed into passion and power, I know now who I serve and so this is my hour.

A moment of fate, a moment of grace,  I stand in this chaos and look only upon His face.

She Smiles With The Seasons

A breeze in the summer, under the shade of a tree…she is beauty, she is peace,

A calm that transcends panic, she is vibrant and electric.

A current that flows through every single bone, she is the tranquility that comes with a seldom seen snow.

She is new life and warmth, like the beginning of spring; she is bright and beautiful like the sun without its sting.

As said before, she is like the autumn leaves, many vibrant colors… magnificent and unique.

She is all of the seasons, and you can see them in her smile, a bouquet of every flower, unchanging yet versatile.

Let it Go With The Rain

Sorrow and set back… today my words may not succeed, but I guess we can only find out as I create more words for you to read.

Words don’t feel enough to fix the things I feel, I step out of myself, I am no longer real.

Lost to the void that consumes all reasoning, my lungs devoid of air no ability to speak or sing.

And so I write as there is no other way for my words to arise, I sharpen them as a sword cutting down the lies.

The lies that are spoken are all within my own head, I create a path for myself, it is here that I tread.

Though I do not tread lightly, I let each step be heard, louder and louder until it’s a drum beat that sounds of a herd.

My heart it beats with the sound of many hooves, I am here, I am alive, my words have done all they could.

And so I take control, I grip onto my own pain, I feel peace and truth take over washing me clean in the rain.

Peace Rebirth

I feel peace once again, as I begin to know who I am, I know where I’m going, and where I must stand.

I stand on a hilltop overlooking my life, I see possibility, a chance to try, a chance to thrive.

The possibility of peace as a continued pursuit, I feel it now my heart is let loose.

I’ve broken free of a terrible cage, freed once again by a gracious God, who was willing to take on my rage.

Through bitterness and anger, still I am set free, I sing of God’s goodness as it washes over me.

I return to Him now, I feel my faith grow, the power of His word, and is blessing bestowed.

This relationship I mend, so of course now I can write, I was lost without guidance, but now I can fight.

I fight for peace and joy to take over my life, the spirit covers me, I’ve opened my eyes.

This is the peace that I’ve sought for so long,  what a joyous word, I didn’t know I could feel so strong.

Rest returns to me, motivation crashes in waves, my cup overflows, and so I step out from my cave.

My enemy and I…out in the open, yet I cannot be harmed for my God is risen.

Risen from death, as now so am I, my spirit is reborn in a peace that none could deny.