Poetry

The Days Are Made of Mountains

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Today feels like a haze and I don’t know why, I’m pushing, I’m fighting, and I won’t cease to try.

Yet today I feel slow, today I feel like I’m letting go.

My goals are meaningful but today I’m losing hope, I’ve been coming out of the valley, but it is such a steep slope.

I climb and I climb, but my hands are slipping, my feet lose their hold and so I’m gripping.

Grabbing hold for dear life, that fact that life is more dear should certainly suffice.

For there once was a time that life didn’t have worth, I couldn’t see the why, I couldn’t see the possibility for rebirth.

And yet here I stand atop a ledge reaching for that one hand.

The hand of He who has always been by my side, carried me when I fell, comforted me when I cried.

My tears they had purpose, so did my sweat and blood; I fight this fight no matter how deep I sink into the mud.

I am here, I am alive, and so I blow away the haze; I strive for good reason,  I will reach better days.

My Eyes in the Storm

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Now the floodgates are open, I’ve been made anew, I write once again, I’ve finally made it through.

The walls are broken down, my emotions crash in waves, I feel every ounce of the water as it covers my old self’s grave.

For I have died and been reborn, a Phoenix rising in the middle of a storm.

The rain is torrential, the downpour is heavy the wind and the rain come, but I stand steady.

I find myself standing firm atop these waves, my feet held up by the name Yahweh

Solid ground in the middle of an ocean, I am making progress now and have to believe that I have been chosen.

Chosen for something great, too spread a great name, chosen for this and so my pen takes my pain.

The pain is transformed into passion and power, I know now who I serve and so this is my hour.

A moment of fate, a moment of grace,  I stand in this chaos and look only upon His face.

She Smiles With The Seasons

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A breeze in the summer, under the shade of a tree…she is beauty, she is peace,

A calm that transcends panic, she is vibrant and electric.

A current that flows through every single bone, she is the tranquility that comes with a seldom seen snow.

She is new life and warmth, like the beginning of spring; she is bright and beautiful like the sun without its sting.

As said before, she is like the autumn leaves, many vibrant colors… magnificent and unique.

She is all of the seasons, and you can see them in her smile, a bouquet of every flower, unchanging yet versatile.

Let it Go With The Rain

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Sorrow and set back… today my words may not succeed, but I guess we can only find out as I create more words for you to read.

Words don’t feel enough to fix the things I feel, I step out of myself, I am no longer real.

Lost to the void that consumes all reasoning, my lungs devoid of air no ability to speak or sing.

And so I write as there is no other way for my words to arise, I sharpen them as a sword cutting down the lies.

The lies that are spoken are all within my own head, I create a path for myself, it is here that I tread.

Though I do not tread lightly, I let each step be heard, louder and louder until it’s a drum beat that sounds of a herd.

My heart it beats with the sound of many hooves, I am here, I am alive, my words have done all they could.

And so I take control, I grip onto my own pain, I feel peace and truth take over washing me clean in the rain.

Peace Rebirth

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I feel peace once again, as I begin to know who I am, I know where I’m going, and where I must stand.

I stand on a hilltop overlooking my life, I see possibility, a chance to try, a chance to thrive.

The possibility of peace as a continued pursuit, I feel it now my heart is let loose.

I’ve broken free of a terrible cage, freed once again by a gracious God, who was willing to take on my rage.

Through bitterness and anger, still I am set free, I sing of God’s goodness as it washes over me.

I return to Him now, I feel my faith grow, the power of His word, and is blessing bestowed.

This relationship I mend, so of course now I can write, I was lost without guidance, but now I can fight.

I fight for peace and joy to take over my life, the spirit covers me, I’ve opened my eyes.

This is the peace that I’ve sought for so long,  what a joyous word, I didn’t know I could feel so strong.

Rest returns to me, motivation crashes in waves, my cup overflows, and so I step out from my cave.

My enemy and I…out in the open, yet I cannot be harmed for my God is risen.

Risen from death, as now so am I, my spirit is reborn in a peace that none could deny.

The Faults in Failing

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I wish I could grab ahold of the light that I just let die, the wind and weather blew the flame but I just watched it go by….

The light, it was there but now I am nothing, and so are you, a life snuffed out wishing for the beauty of rain when I’m caught in a drought.

I try to channel my pain but I feel like my pain is channeling me I’m not in control and the tears cloud my ability to see.

I don’t remember how to look at life it’s cold, dark, and miserable, filled with endless strife.

The sun and the stars they all seem so dim I am nothing and so are you I feel somehow like my words could have been spoken more true.

Had I been a better man who understood who i was, perhaps I could have helped you instead of feeling the death of love.

Because I did not share enough? I couldn’t save you here… but still I wanted to save you but it’s like I’m constantly driving with no idea how to steer.

The impacts I’ve had… do any of them have meaning, if I couldn’t save you then whats my point of being.

I’m useless I’m nothing and all I do is fail, I’m locked tightly within my own thoughts wishing for a fait worse then this jail.

But is it worse, is that fate not worth being sought, what is life… without you friend it doesn’t feel like allot.

What have my words done, what of the time I have spent, do I mean anything to anyone or am I just an acquaintance for rent.

I am nothing and so are you, lost to the darkness, I can never get you back, what am I supposed to do with that.

What good is the info, what good are these feelings, what do I believe, because death truly does have sting.

To love another person but for them to not know love, I am alive but why, why should i survive.

I don’t want to fight, I want to be nothing for if I am nothing and so are you maybe I didn’t fail and this is just life’s truth.

But are you nothing, I wish this was an answer I could know, is your name remembered, or did it melt with the snow.

I wish my tears could melt instead of forming an endless sea, my heart feels hard and cold, and I don’t know what to be.

Is life pain or is it beauty, in this it all looks wrong, we weren’t even that close anymore and yet I don’t know how to live with you gone.

I feel like I failed caught up in myself, I couldn’t be of use, as always I just sat aloof.

I sat and I failed so now I can only weap my inaction was something I didn’t know death could reap.

I didn’t do my job, I failed as a friend, unsure of myself I just sat and watched your life end.

Blossoming Color

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A galaxy of stars that swirl and spin, I see in you the ability to start again.

A smile that shines through every piece of pain, life cannot beat you; you are warmth in a cold rain.

You are a glimmering sunrise that shines through the trees, gold and green like fresh autumn leaves.

You are the blue in the sky, the red in love, you are a transforming array of colors sent from above.

I don’t know your purpose as you’ve entered my life, but color and inspiration have returned to me, once again I feel truly alive.

You are all the colors of the earth in whole, a force of nature that my heart can’t control.

You are so much more than these words can express, so for now I choose to let my pen rest.

I haven’t the colors to show you on this page, I write in black and white, but you deserve the world as your stage.

Yet people will always see the wonder that is you, colors that brighten life when it all turns a darker hue.

Tangible Love

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I want to explore the type of love that humans most seek out. I feel that we most often seek out a love that is most tangible to us. We want a love that we can run to, a love that we can feel, hear, and see. We want a love that can be proved because we are doubting insecure beings. We even often convince ourselves that we deserve someone’s love just because we gave love to them. The truth behind the tangible love we usually experience though is that it is inconsistent, it fails, and both people need to reciprocate the love for it to work.

The reason I’ve set out to explain our connection with this tangible love is so that I can explore why it is so difficult for us to seek earnestly the perfect love of God. The perfect love of God does not need to be reciprocated, it is given to us without question. God’s love is unfailing and always the same, which is why it can feel foreign and seems almost impossible that it could exist. God’s love often feels intangible, we cannot touch it, or prove it by the verbal affirmation we are used to receiving from people.

The love we receive from God is different, but it is better. We do not have to work for this love, it is there for us constantly, and the words of affirmation that we seek and feel that we don’t receive are hidden in pages in that book that collects dust on most of our shelves. Whenever one begins to feel separated from God it can often mean that they aren’t communicating with Him, and long distance relationships are always hard without communication, in fact any relationship is.

God’s way of communicating His love for us is best felt through digging into the scripture, the pages of the Bible are truly a love letter written for us. We expect to be able to connect with God and return His love when we will not even read the pages on which the Lord of all creation poured His very heart out on. Our father in Heaven gave us the perfect reminder of His love in the Bible, and the Bible is a tangible thing, we can feel it, we can see it, we can run to it, and while we may not necessarily be able to prove it all, that is where faith steps in. The success of our relationship with God is based solely on our faith and willingness to participate in the relationship.

God is already constantly putting in His half of the work, so when we don’t feel God’s love we must ask ourselves how we are disconnecting from Him. While God’s love for us is perfect the relationship itself is flawed if we are not putting in work as well. Not only are we disadvantaged by not reading the scripture but we are also held back if we do not take opportunities to tell God we love Him. I am sure many would say that they say they love the Lord but ask yourself when the last time was that you poured your heart out in worship or prayed a prayer that brought you to tears. How often do we with full sincerity while putting meaning behind our words tell God that we love Him?

In the Church, we often use the phrasing “God knows my heart”, but isn’t this just being lazy and avoiding the effort that we should be putting into our relationship with God. God may know what you want to say but if you do not pour your heart out earnestly you are doing yourself a disservice, not God. It is our hearts that seek out verbal affirmation and our hearts that not only need to hear it but need to feel like they are being heard as well. God is always listening but if we aren’t talking there is nothing that can be done for us.

So, my challenge for anyone who reads this post is to make your love relationship with God a tangible one, read your Bible, make it to Church, worship with full abandon, and make sure you are expressing your love to God in everything you do. Without love we have nothing, but if we can be in a true reciprocal tangible relationship with God then my friend, we have everything.

My Favorite Sound

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   This feeling must be one that I long ago had lost, a heat rising up within me melting off the frost.
   I feel new, I feel free, by something as simple as this, that smile it overtakes me and I am filled with sweet bliss.
   My heart bubbling up as I hang on to each word that she speaks, it is a feeling so abrasive I feel like it should stop but still that is not what I seek.
   I want more of her smiles, more of her words, in a greedy disposition I just want more, oh how just looking at her makes my heart soar.
   I cannot explain it but I also don’t feel the need, oh what beauty that I have found, and now this voice is my favorite sound.

Confidence Through Christ

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There was once a time in my life when I carried myself as if I believed I would be somebody, as if I believed in Gods plan for me. At some point down the road I forgot who I was, I let the world overtake me and became complacent. At some point I subconsciously decided that my shortcomings and my failures were bigger than Gods plan for me. I used to carry myself like a man who believed he could change the world with God by his his side. At some point I became a man who had more fear than confidence, a man who had lost his way. It is time that I begin to carry myself with some confidence again, confidence in myself, in God, and in His plan. I need to begin to carry myself in a way befitting of the glorious plan God has for me. I will base my confidence on He who is unfailing so that my confidence cannot fail. I am a man of God made to serve Him, and I will do great things for my God.
2 Corinthians 3:3‭-‬6 NIV
You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.