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Fields of Praise

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The greatest muse I will ever know,  present in every word that I ever wrote.

No other love I can ever aquire, no other thing could pull me from the mire.

I have been lost through years of mediocrity, filled with nothing but animosity.

I sought inspiration in anything that would offer, though I gained nothing… what did it all profer?

I have fallen in multitudes, I have fallen in droves, yet still you seek me out to lay in your groves.

I graze in your green fields where I prosper in peace, somehow out of the wolve’s mouth I see myself released.

Even still, I run from your fields, fleeing from my fealty, expecting better quicker yields.

I seek things in my time and lack trust in your perfection, when I do not receive an immediate answer I pick my own direction.

I think myself wise enough to choose my own path, I find failure ad nauseam, and I am deserving of your wrath.

Yet instead I find mercy, salvation in the blood; by great sacrifice I am yours, when I had thought the gate shut.

By all rights I should be exiled from your pastures, yet even as I run you chase after all the faster.

No escape from this love, and so there is a desperation to write, to glorify God, and to bring the nations to light.

So use me where you have me, let the big picture be clear, whatever your will I certainly shall adhere.

I will go, I will stay, I will listen, and I will speak; whatever you ask, I now know it is only you that I was made to seek.

Full Surrender

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Years have passed as I have wasted my calling, still as the minutes now pass I feel how near I am drawing.

I draw closer now as I give up each second, as time divides I acknowledge my lesson.

I have learned through great cost what I ought not have done, In realizing this I now know why I run.

I face that what I’ve wasted was not my own, I wasted God’s time and so seeds went unsowm.

As the years passed I must have missed so many chances, to grow the kingdom, to change peoples stances.

O where did you place me, where did you allow my foot to land; I find no joy in those places now, I can barely stand.

So I fall to me knees as a new page is turned, I give it all up, I’d watch it all burn.


I was lost yet now I am found, this freedom of surrender rings a beautiful sound.

The sound of peace as silence abounds, my thoughts no longer overtake me, I stand on solid ground.

Anxiety flees, as does sin,  and shame; I give God my whole life and thus I’ll never be the same.

You can have it all, I want nothing more than to know, oh God grant me the wisdom I need to grow.

I don’t want another second wasted, certainly not a year, God please send me, I know it’s overdue but finally I am here.

I have arrived at the end of myself, fill my life with nothing but you, that will be my wealth.

From this point on seconds, hours, years, this path is God’s alone, I have shaken all fears.


No more reservations, no more fight, or flight, a new day is dawning, and I choose to see solely by the saviors light.

In each and every moment God I am yours, I fully surrender, and I will live by your word.

Timely Inspiration

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A summer time muse inspires all the same, shortly, sweetly, but still in frame.

The picture is set, unchanging for a time, she is simply a beauty that brings my words to life.

She needn’t know, she needn’t hear, but at just the right moment she did appear.

How to decide when a moment is right? My words come forth, I don’t have to fight.

Waking or sleeping I can see her brilliance, so I wake this morning with new found resilience.

I wake and feel alive, I wake with inspiration, I wake, and I can’t help but to write of my elation.

To meet this morning with her as the vibrancy that fills my mind, it all feels so clear, life feels so kind.

A kindness from life that reminds of the tenderness she exudes, so gentle, so sweet, though life can be so crude.

So I meet this morning differently than in the past, thankful to have met her, even if inspiration doesnt last.

A Heart In Flame

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A stolen glance embedded with feelings unlikely to be returned, a simple joy to see her, so I allow the heart to yearn.

I start to see the little things, like I’m hanging on air, falling slowly is so sweet so I make an effort to not stare.

A harmless notion that I try not to give too much weight, yet her beauty has put me in an astounded state.

Lost in these little things, In each detail that I notice, she pulls the panic of life and takes it out of focus.

Suddenly the view shifts, everything has changed, I’ve forgotten myself, I’ve forgotten the pain.

Fearless as I face new colors in my life, a vibrant red overtakes the place I thought I’d left empty in my heart and head.

I speak now, through this poem that may never be read, but it is enough just to write it, my heart is still fed.

I find peace in this expression, In letting my heart loose I have found joy in this beauty, and so I choose.

I choose not to let my heart go wild, I choose to simply admire, and maybe still kindle this fire.

For a small flame can still grow if the conditions are right, I’ll tend to it for now Incase It ever grows bright.

The flame will flicker for the features that fill my heart, even if never fully expressed I’ll be thankful for the start.

The start of a new inspiration… a fire that grows, beautiful, or disastrous, only time truly knows.

Psalm 40

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My God, do not delay, In this hear my anguish, hear me cry out, hear me pray.

I pray for haste, for persistence, I pray for wisdom, and deliverance.

Deliver me from myself oh Lord, as my flesh pulls me toward the mire, do not let me sink my God, set my feet somewhere higher.

Do not let me be lost to the desires that would drown me in damnation, I can’t allow myself to be stagnant so I return as a prodigal for the celebration.

I beg and cry for you not to delay, yet it is all I’ve done when I hear what you say.

You set my path, you plant my feet, yet I seek the mud, and I’m left in defeat.

My anxieties consume me, my prayers feel distant and weak, I feel you calling me, but I feel lower than meak.

Lately I question as often as I draw breath, am I sure of who I am, do I even have anything left?

I’m not sure what you want because I can’t even imagine how I would be used, I’ve fallen away so often that everything is bruised.

Ive played the fool as life has worn me down, but I want to find joy, I’m so tired of feeling like I’ll drown.

I dont want to panic, I want to catch my breath, I want to be of service, I want to give everything i have left.

So take it all God, I give it freely, if i never eat again I’ll still thank you that Im breathing.

I want to wake each morning with a heart that knows you are great, when the world is crashing around me it is then that I understand my fate.

My fate has been simple all along, it is in His hands, and in that trust is where I belong.

More simple than I ever imagined, more peaceful than my past could believe, in total surrender I have my reprieve.

Who am I that you would think of me, your deeds good and without measure it is in your presence that I find this pleasure.

Pleased with this peace, you are my God, you did not delay, you heard me cry out, and in that same moment I was saved.

Never to be Known

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She will never know… never know how I’ve grown.

She will never see the effect she had on me.

She won’t read the lines I was lead to write. She won’t know they kept me up at night.

She won’t feel that passion I poured into these pages, but I still pray for her happiness to grow through the ages.

Another stepping stone of growth and learning, but this time, I’m not even left with the yearning.

This made sense. The pieces didn’t fit, so it’s bittersweet, but I’m not in a pit.

I’m still on a peak staring down at the valleys, I see the forest I’d lost myself in, and now I can rally.

I rally myself, I muster my spirit, I dive into my emotions and allow myself to feel it.

She may never know what these words mean for me to write, but even so, I am happy to bring them to light.

More words bleed out than what I knew I had left, and yet I feel steady. There is joy in each breath.

Words and Walls

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You say words can’t pierce through this wall? But what if I write words worthy of making Jericho fall?

Words divined by inspiration from the heavens, words that are overflowing with detailed expression.

I express the feelings that have lain deep and dormant down in my soul, I set them free rather than take control.

So, these are the words that flow from my heart to page, I write them so that I may set the stage.

I cast the parts and design the show, all for a vision of something that can grow.

The curtains come up, and the walls come down all is revealed to an audience that doesn’t make a sound.

On the soundless stage, something new takes place.

Amidst the rubble and dust, the protagonist plays their part, a performer of the heart.

The heart grows stronger and knows what it wants, and so these words can be more blunt.

Blunt and sudden with a booming bellowing voice, the show has started, and so the heart can make a choice.

Do words have the potential to pierce through walls and veils? Or is this another day that words could not prevail?

In one final petition I ask that the performer play their part well. With the world a stage, the heart can certainly leave its shell.

There Was More Joy In My Life When I Was Depressed

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There was more joy in my life when I was depressed. This thought came across my head today, and although it be sad, it is also true. When I was depressed I didn’t complain about the little things because there were bigger things that concerned me. When I was depressed I always looked for and saw the light, because I had to in order to survive. Most importantly the change that defines the difference between me now and when I was depressed is how much I relied on God. In every waking moment of my life I relied on and thought about God. God was a constant when I was depressed because I consistently felt like I needed Him, God was keeping me on my feet. I loved God deeply and was devoted to Him absolutely. So the question is, what now has changed? When I was depressed I had a constant reminder of what God was doing for me and of my absolute dependence on Him. On the other side of depression being freed from the chains that once held me down I have often found myself turning from God and trying to rely on other things, I forget God because I don’t feel like I  consistently need Him. This is not to say that I do not still pray daily and read my Bible, but it is to say that I am not praying as fervently as I should nor reading my Bible as often as I should. It breaks my heart because most days I really do not know how to fix it. I sometimes as strange as it may sound miss the days of my depression, because in those days God was always my first thought and I never felt like He was not around. In many of my darkest moments I felt more of the holy spirit than I have ever felt in any other time. Now I often feels like the spirit is distant from me. Life has gotten so busy and while I take the time for many of my hobbies and simple things I do not find myself giving nearly enough time to God. I find my self most days lacking any passion at all, no inspiration to write, but when I was depressed poems flowed out of me at a constant rushing pace. In my depression there was so much to write, so many acts of God to be thankful for, and so many lights that had been revealed. Even though my depression died off, it feels like part of me died off with it that I am fighting so hard to regain. I am so far behind where I would like to be, because of the depression I am having to catch up. Lately I have become so lost in trying to catch up that I have forgotten to be thankful, joyful, and seek out the light that every day has to offer. This light that I keep speaking of is every moment in our life that stands out and puts a true smile on our face. The light in each day are those moments with your family that we should all cherish much more, the moments with friends where inside jokes are created, the moments where we stop to breathe and see the world that God has created, and the moments where we feel truly at peace. I have not felt much peace recently, but I have not necessarily felt turmoil either. There is a stillness inside of me that is causing me to grow lukewarm. I am neither committed to God nor abandoning Him. I have become almost completely still, and because of this I am almost completely devoid of joy. I have not been feeling joy because I have not been investing myself in things that would bring me joy. I have not been writing enough, reading enough, or praying enough. Most of my time with God has shifted into a task that I am good at completing rather than a moment of clarity that fills me with joy and peace. I have somehow forgotten about God while still keeping Him in my every day life. Even now God feels just out of reach, but I think this is for good reason. If I were to still feel God as I did before, I would not be so upset now, and I would not feel the need to make a change. I do not want my depression back, but I do want back the devotion I once had. It will not be as easy as things once were to be devoted and inspired. Life is busy now, and it is not easy, but all that means is that I will have to look harder for the light. I will seek God earnestly and remind myself daily that my devotion and commitment to God should be my foremost thought every day. It is true that I had more joy when I was depressed, but that was then and this is now. Each day is a new day, and with each day comes new joys to compile. Keeping joy within one’s life is a constant effort, and not an easy one at that. I am still going to be making the effort though, as hard as it may be. I will work until my joy returns stronger and better than before. I will not return to who I was, but i will become better, I will seek God in my every breath and I will do my best not to let myself forget Him anymore. I commit myself to not be still and not be lukewarm. I commit myself to finding true and constant joy, one outside of the depression that once dictated my life. 

A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”

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   Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
   I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
   I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
   I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
   I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
   How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
   So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
   You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
   I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
   I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
   I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
   I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
   I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…

My Heart’s Eyes Opened

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Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.