My heart aches, so I must keep writing, in a world thats grown dark with storms I look to the lightning.
For lightning is fierce and destructive in nature but is also power instructed where to go by a savior.
So I look to the lightning to inspire my thoughts, lost in a storm but I am learning allot.
I’m learning once again what it’s like to feel this way, to see a woman, and see my heart turn to color when it was gray.
The lightning has struck and electrified my soul, in the distraction of the storm it was my heart that she stole.
But for once a theif in the night is a welcome sight.
I see her run with my heart in the glow of the lightning, and I welcome these feelings even though they’re frightening.
I don’t expect my feelings to be returned, yet still in this storm i can’t help but yearn.
Coated in the rain yet still I thirst, to know her more would be to lift my curse.
To escape from the storm and be inspired by the sun, all I need to do is catch up to her, and so I run.
I run by the lightning as it strikes by my steps, yet I still run faster for she is worth the loss of breath.
I fear nothing now for I know what I seek I step out of the storm into the sun, and she is now all that I see.
faith
Strength in Declaration
I said one last time, expecting the way I feel to just end, yet here I am sitting and writing again.
I don’t know what to say just like I don’t know what to feel, I am caught in a haze unsure of what is real.
You were real, and real you stay, yet here I am losing sight of you as I reach the end of a day.
You are more than these words, more than my attraction, yet I feel I fell short, less than myself, just a fraction.
A fraction of me cant be enough, you deserve more, you deserve someone with the capacity to love.
And I don’t know if I have it in me, I’m changing and growing, but still my heart is slowing.
I want it to beat fast for the you I have come to know, but all it can do is make me feel low.
My heart fails me as I’ve fallen once again, I’m so tired of falling, I just want this fall to end.
And yet I’m refused, my wishes will not come true because every time I see you it all starts anew.
Of course a day may come where you no longer cross my path, but I can’t believe that I would truly want that.
I want you in my path, to walk with you side by side, so I’ll do what I can now to attempt to meet your stride.
Unexpected Falls
One last piece to work this all out before I just scream, before I just shout.
It’s built up and grown out, until it hit the peak, these feelings that blossomed making me both strong and weak.
I’ve felt so alive, I’ve felt so dead, a confusing connection that may have all been in my head.
I’ve fallen before, time and time again, and yet I didn’t expect this, didn’t mean to let you in.
The excuse of being open, but why was I open with her, some doors should stay closed no matter the allure.
But still I was so caught up, lost in the forest, consumed by the stars, I just wanted the opportunity to learn who you are.
Though I feel it wasn’t my place wrong time, wrong person, we are galaxies away.
I tried and I prayed yet still I feel I failed, why feel like this if our connection will only grow cold and stale.
Am I giving up or is it just not right, I’m not sure what I’m meant to do she gives me vision yet clouds my sight.
Never been so lost in the way I feel, but at the very least I know when I fell… that it was real.
The Distance in the Stars
Why are these feelings permitted to well up inside, when did I allow this, why can’t I just hide.
Why does it chase me, why must I feel like this, hopelessly enamored, unprepared for the end to this bliss.
Our connection fades as I’ve just begun to fall, why is it you, and why is my attraction not my call.
I’ve fallen, I’m hopeless, completely caught up in your presence, you awoke a fire inside me where once my inspiration was deadened.
I had reached a place where I no longer knew if I could write, and yet you restored me, blind but given sight.
And what a feeling it is to once again see, for to take you in is everything to me.
So much to say with so little space on a page, to say who you are I could sit and write for days.
And yet I know I’ve only begun to explore, I see you at your surface, but I yearn to know more.
I thirst in a drought to know who you truly are, stuck on earth looking at the twinkle of a blazing star.
The fire you create, the warmth you exude, you are the sun of my galaxy and I am hopeless in my orbit of you.
Peaceful Yet Powerful
Of course mornings are dreary when all my nights are long… and yet I’m awakened by your sweet song.
Awake, yet at peace, the duality of having dreams when my eyes are wide, I feel the warmth only you create growing with great stride.
And of course your warmth would stride and sprint, for you move with the wind.
You are steady, you are gentle, and yet you are so much more; you have the power to destroy and yet instead you restore.
You are quiet, yet your whisper is strong, if only its peace could reach me when my nights become so long.
I am restless and weary, and yet still I write; for though peace is what you breathe, it is a peace that allows me to fight.
The Days Are Made of Mountains
Today feels like a haze and I don’t know why, I’m pushing, I’m fighting, and I won’t cease to try.
Yet today I feel slow, today I feel like I’m letting go.
My goals are meaningful but today I’m losing hope, I’ve been coming out of the valley, but it is such a steep slope.
I climb and I climb, but my hands are slipping, my feet lose their hold and so I’m gripping.
Grabbing hold for dear life, that fact that life is more dear should certainly suffice.
For there once was a time that life didn’t have worth, I couldn’t see the why, I couldn’t see the possibility for rebirth.
And yet here I stand atop a ledge reaching for that one hand.
The hand of He who has always been by my side, carried me when I fell, comforted me when I cried.
My tears they had purpose, so did my sweat and blood; I fight this fight no matter how deep I sink into the mud.
I am here, I am alive, and so I blow away the haze; I strive for good reason, I will reach better days.
My Eyes in the Storm
Now the floodgates are open, I’ve been made anew, I write once again, I’ve finally made it through.
The walls are broken down, my emotions crash in waves, I feel every ounce of the water as it covers my old self’s grave.
For I have died and been reborn, a Phoenix rising in the middle of a storm.
The rain is torrential, the downpour is heavy the wind and the rain come, but I stand steady.
I find myself standing firm atop these waves, my feet held up by the name Yahweh
Solid ground in the middle of an ocean, I am making progress now and have to believe that I have been chosen.
Chosen for something great, too spread a great name, chosen for this and so my pen takes my pain.
The pain is transformed into passion and power, I know now who I serve and so this is my hour.
A moment of fate, a moment of grace, I stand in this chaos and look only upon His face.
Let it Go With The Rain
Sorrow and set back… today my words may not succeed, but I guess we can only find out as I create more words for you to read.
Words don’t feel enough to fix the things I feel, I step out of myself, I am no longer real.
Lost to the void that consumes all reasoning, my lungs devoid of air no ability to speak or sing.
And so I write as there is no other way for my words to arise, I sharpen them as a sword cutting down the lies.
The lies that are spoken are all within my own head, I create a path for myself, it is here that I tread.
Though I do not tread lightly, I let each step be heard, louder and louder until it’s a drum beat that sounds of a herd.
My heart it beats with the sound of many hooves, I am here, I am alive, my words have done all they could.
And so I take control, I grip onto my own pain, I feel peace and truth take over washing me clean in the rain.
Peace Rebirth
I feel peace once again, as I begin to know who I am, I know where I’m going, and where I must stand.
I stand on a hilltop overlooking my life, I see possibility, a chance to try, a chance to thrive.
The possibility of peace as a continued pursuit, I feel it now my heart is let loose.
I’ve broken free of a terrible cage, freed once again by a gracious God, who was willing to take on my rage.
Through bitterness and anger, still I am set free, I sing of God’s goodness as it washes over me.
I return to Him now, I feel my faith grow, the power of His word, and is blessing bestowed.
This relationship I mend, so of course now I can write, I was lost without guidance, but now I can fight.
I fight for peace and joy to take over my life, the spirit covers me, I’ve opened my eyes.
This is the peace that I’ve sought for so long, what a joyous word, I didn’t know I could feel so strong.
Rest returns to me, motivation crashes in waves, my cup overflows, and so I step out from my cave.
My enemy and I…out in the open, yet I cannot be harmed for my God is risen.
Risen from death, as now so am I, my spirit is reborn in a peace that none could deny.
You Are Meant to Be a Hero
I haven’t been living life. I would like to of course blame this on quarantine putting everything that would normally keep me busy to a screeching halt. While blaming my lack of truly living on quarantine is somewhat of a fair concept it is in whole simply an excuse. This excuse like most excuses is worthless, using it does not return all of the time that I have wasted nor does it fix the utter boredom that has welled up within me as I have pretended that there is not still an entire world around me. What does fix this is determination, setting goals, making an effort, and overall just focusing on bettering myself as well as the life that I am living. My life has as of late been quite devoid of purpose, I have felt as though the days were simply creeping by completely out of my control. I do have control however, I have control over how I choose to live this life. Since I was a child I have loved escapism whether it be through a book, a video game, a movie, a show, or anything else. I have always sought to find escape into worlds that I can imagine myself in, in which I would find myself as a heroic more ideal version of myself. The fact is though that no matter how strong an imagination or fantasy I create, these pictures of my better self start and end within my brain. I am not doing what I must in order to actually become a better me and admitting that I can become this ideal version of myself outside of escaping into some fantasy world is hard to admit. This is hard to admit because it takes tremendous effort to become the person that you are truly meant to be. Most people spend their lives content with what they have refusing to challenge the waves of adversity before them until they slowly sink into mediocrity and pass away without ever truly facing the challenge of becoming their best self. I can not sit idly by and allow myself to become one of those people, I must force my feet onto the ground each day and make my way out into the world prepared to challenge my every thought and action until I am confident they are the works of a person that is truly willing to fight to be something more. I have a calling on my life to teach others what I can, to write every meaningful thought that comes to mind onto a page, to love people deeply and unapologetically, and to deliver the message of the Gospel to all who will hear it. If I do not see these things as being the main character of my own massive adventure of life then I am simply blind. I am not a character standing by simply listening and acting based off of the interactions of the people around me. I am my own person, the main character of an earth shaking story about to unfold. This passion is easy to lose because we live in a world that is practically made to make us complacent and content, but I will be challenging myself from this moment onward to remind myself each day that I am the protagonist and main character of my story and I am meant for more than just allowing time to pass me by. I will from this point make leaps and bounds instead of small safe steps. Radical true living and change is not possible by taking the safe and easy route, but instead by taking chances, being bold, and doing what must be done. I challenge myself and anyone else who reads this to think of themselves as the hero of their own story too, to believe that nobody else is going to change how you are living but you, and that you do not need to be a prisoner to your own mind nor your circumstances. This life is an open highway, so take a hold of the wheel and drive like you actually mean it. You will be helped along the way by friends, family, or God. This does not change the fact that the only way things are truly going to change for the better, the only way for you to become who you are really meant to be is for you to decide you want it for yourself and take action every day to make sure you do not stop believing in yourself and your ability to do great things. You the reader and myself as well are capable of doing world changing incredible feats, but the fist step is to believe. Believe what you might ask? You must believe that you are the main character of your story, you are the hero, you are capable of doing amazing things, and you must believe that there are no breaks in being the hero. Being the hero, your best self is a constant struggle that will consist of challenging yourself every minute of every day to do and be better than the moment before. I also believe that you must have God in your life to allow such radical change and to have the guidance necessary to achieve such earth changing feats. I believe that we are the hands and feet of God in this world on a mission to change it for the better, so we can not be complacent, if that type of duty does not scream that we are meant to be heroes than I do not know what will.
MATTHEW 28:18-20
Then Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
ISAIAH 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?
I said:
Here I am. Send me.
