faith
The Meaning is Life
Life is not miserable, life in itself has deep and impactful worth. For too long I have allowed cynicism to slowly creep up around and overtake me, but once again I am given light from an unlikely place. I look to a fantasy book and I hear a message I’ve needed without knowing it. I had convinced myself that because this world feels so unredeemable, life feels so pitiless, and pain after pain follow my family and I that life had no worth beyond just making it faithfully to the end. I tucked my head in and was not depressed but I was not alive either! I died to myself and chose willingly to walk a path that was shallow and pointless saying that if I ignore the pain or injustice then I won’t have to feel it. And yet I have felt it these pains are all too real, they persist, but they are worth it. So, from two of the most unlikely places, I contrive for myself and ideally for others a meaning for these lives that we lead.
The first place from which I take this inspiration is from “Attack on Titan” from the speech by Erwin he states, “We all die. But does that mean our lives are meaningless? Does that mean that there was no point in our being born? Would you say that of our slain comrades? What about their lives? Were they meaningless?… They were not! Their memory serves as an example to us all! The courageous fallen! The anguished fallen! Their lives have meaning because we the living refuse to forget them! And as we ride to certain death, we trust our successors to do the same for us! Because my soldiers do not buckle or yield when faced with the cruelty of this world! My soldiers push forward! My soldiers scream out! My soldier’s Rage!”. Each of these lines hold great value to the points I aim to make about life and why we live it even in spite of the suffering, pain, and difficulty we face. “Their lives have meaning because we the living refuse to forget them”, Not only do our own lives have meaning because of the hearts we live on in even in death but the impact our each and every choice is able to make on others means that all lives have meaning and hold weight. “My soldiers do not buckle or yield when faced with the cruelty of this world!”, I consider myself a servant of Christ, and would hope that this statement would be able to be said for my service to God. And so, though the cruelty of this world feels insurmountable I stand, I do not buckle, I do not yield, even more so I live!
And yet one might ask what is the purpose of this path if it is filled with pain, what difference is the life you live if we all end in death the same as those before us. Of course, I believe in life after death but that does not give me an excuse to hurry it along nor does it make this life not worth living. The source that truly made me realize this was I feel just as unlikely “The Way of Kings” by Brandon Sanderson. Throughout this book a guiding mantra is set out that nagged at me until at the end of the book it fully set in and took hold of me causing me to write these feelings out. The quote is as follows. “Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.”. These words along with the surrounding text made me come to realize that the path itself is what I should aspire to live. In conjunction with the quotes from “Attack on Titan” I come to this point, we all die, rich, poor, beautiful, pitiful, loved, or lost in sorrow. We all die, but I would argue that almost certainly we do not all live. So, how do we live? We live by guiding principles, we do not focus on the death or the end we put life before death, strength before weakness, and journey before destination. Because we can not focus on the destination before us without fist focusing on how we get there. I believe that I aim to one day stand before God and have Him tell me “Well done my good and faithful servant, you have run your race well”, or at least something along those lines. And Yet I do not know if I have even reached the starting line of the race I am meant to run. I have stumbled, I have fallen, I have tripped over my own two feet time and time again. Even still God places inspiration in my path to show me the way no matter where I am.
So, I ask of any who would read this these things. Do you see your journey for what it is, do you understand that you have purpose, do you see your value, do you believe your journey is worth taking on. If you do not, I challenge you to reevaluate see your life for something more be strong before you are weak, but your journey before the destination, but most importantly put your life before your death. We are not just on a path to die, we wake each day to add value to all those around us, not just those we love. I challenge you to see that value in yourself, believe it to be real and strive to put better into the world. Each day is new and we have a chance for both self-betterment and to better the world around us. Life is difficult, sometimes it feels unbearable, but I promise with all that I am that it is worth baring, and that someone does care for you. I believe certainly that God cares for you but if that is not enough for you yet know that I do as well, even if I do not know you, I do. All human life is priceless. And yet something even more priceless was traded for us. The pain and love of my God was placed upon a cross and for me that makes my path clear. No matter the burden I put the destination far from my mind, I focus on my path, I do not see death in my future, for now I only see the life that I lead. I do not buckle, I do not yield, death has no grip on me, and so through finally truly living I am free.
The World by Her Light
I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.
She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.
She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.
She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.
She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.
By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.
And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.
Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.
I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.
I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.
Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.
The Fires We Carry
A faint flickering flame that refuses to fade away, there is reason for it to burn, and so it will stay.
It burns because it matters not because it seeks to burn bright, instead it accepts itself as this…just a faint light.
Yet this light is enough, there is reason for it to be, because for one to have a light does not rest on reciprocity.
This flame it blazed and grew, but there is always a time to let a flame burn true.
A flame burns truest when you let it find its own pace, it was not meant to burn brightly, yet it still leaves a trace.
I carry the flame with me, I wouldn’t dare put it out, for the fire is somehow a reminder of what rain can do in a drought.
Duplicity, warmth, light, and something that only gives, this fire will burn on with me so long as I live.
Restoration in the Quiet
I know that words do not have the power that I wish they did, there is so much more, and in that life’s mysteries are hid.
I wish with just my words I could change what people see and feel, but that is not true life…that is not what’s real.
Because words often aren’t enough, I’ll act, I’ll pray, I’ll try to give out love.
For love is not only expressed in words, it’s the actions, the attitudes, the heart that is stirred.
Now my heart has been stirred, and words were once again not sufficient, but in myself I still find a passion that is relentless.
I have purpose and my words still hold power, they come from a greater source, and so they are worth a painful hour.
For when words are not enough my Lord still makes me whole, words were not enough, yet still He restores my soul.
An Ending Well Met
Restoration and growth, I found in myself the ability to let go.
I said what I needed to and in that I found my peace, I escaped great loss and know now what it’s like to be free.
I’ve seen you for who you are and am able to let this pass I wish nothing but the best for you, and I know that feeling will last.
My soul restored, my ability to write still around, I accept in this moment a peaceful and comforting sound.
The sound of my inner voice resounds in my mind, I am enough, so to myself I will be kind.
I have found this peace through you and through God, one with myself accepting these feelings though they may be odd.
I am me and you are you, through simple clear communication I have come to know truth.
The fruit of my efforts did not grow what I had sought, but I still feel closure and that is saying allot.
An end to a beginning that was fruitful and great I accept this today, I accept our seperate fates.
If only I had met you at a diffrent time, yet maybe this was how we were meant to meet and that can be sublime.
Sublime, the perfect word to express the end… though of course In such a word I would always welcome something to start again.
Ceaseless in Nature
Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.
But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.
Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.
Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.
When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.
A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.
They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.
A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.
They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.
True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.
I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.
Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.
Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.
Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.
For She to be Free
It’s rare to find one’s self feeling in such a way, I want her, to speak to her, my heart has been swayed.
Yet in these feelings so random but so pure,I find myself moving beyond the allure.
For when I pray, I don’t pray for us to be together, I pray for your happiness, for whatever is better.
Better whether I can hold her or not,her smile my upmost concern beyond what I have sought.
Of course I seek her heart after the way she’s made me feel, but I recognize it’s damage and wish foremost for it to be healed.
To see her heart whole and to know her smile is true, I think I could move on even whilst knowing I’d be blue.
Yet so far I have not given up, I accept what may come, but until it is clear I will not say that I am done.
I want to pursue this, to show that we could be great, I just hope the expressions of my heart when spoken will not be too late.
I tread carefully though for I know this pursuit is fragile, it’s worth every second, it’s worth waiting for a while.
For while I wait I can still come to know her more, I can fall harder, and prepare myself for what life decides to have in store.
Whatever does happen I find my peace, I just hope she finds hers, I hope her heart can find its release.
Facing Two Futures
Just because I wish to be with you does not mean It will be so, I have to be prepared for the pain of letting go.
I want you to find joy, and that may not include me, so I decloud my vision once more and force myself to see.
I look to a future where I know you no more, it hurts me at my depths reaches and cracks my core.
Yet I still want most to see you find your peace, to see you find freedom to see you be released.
You’ve had so much pain, so much strife and struggle, my feelings grow for you but still they are muddled.
My feelings are murky because I know what I want, I want to grow close, but I may be the wrong dose.
Only you can decide the medecine you need, so I have to be prepared if it’s a medecine that I can’t be.
For I know I’m not perfect, we are diffrent in many ways, and yet the more I know the more I feel we are quite the same.
I feel like we fit like a two piece puzzle, but whether that is really true is up to you and that is my struggle.
A struggle worth facing, and so I wil write, to calm my heart, and stop it from racing.
For though it races for you it may not be my place, I hope that it is, but if not that is something that I can and will face.
Trial by Lightning
My heart aches, so I must keep writing, in a world thats grown dark with storms I look to the lightning.
For lightning is fierce and destructive in nature but is also power instructed where to go by a savior.
So I look to the lightning to inspire my thoughts, lost in a storm but I am learning allot.
I’m learning once again what it’s like to feel this way, to see a woman, and see my heart turn to color when it was gray.
The lightning has struck and electrified my soul, in the distraction of the storm it was my heart that she stole.
But for once a theif in the night is a welcome sight.
I see her run with my heart in the glow of the lightning, and I welcome these feelings even though they’re frightening.
I don’t expect my feelings to be returned, yet still in this storm i can’t help but yearn.
Coated in the rain yet still I thirst, to know her more would be to lift my curse.
To escape from the storm and be inspired by the sun, all I need to do is catch up to her, and so I run.
I run by the lightning as it strikes by my steps, yet I still run faster for she is worth the loss of breath.
I fear nothing now for I know what I seek I step out of the storm into the sun, and she is now all that I see.
Tales of Dylan 