Never to be Known

She will never know… never know how I’ve grown.

She will never see the effect she had on me.

She won’t read the lines I was lead to write. She won’t know they kept me up at night.

She won’t feel that passion I poured into these pages, but I still pray for her happiness to grow through the ages.

Another stepping stone of growth and learning, but this time, I’m not even left with the yearning.

This made sense. The pieces didn’t fit, so it’s bittersweet, but I’m not in a pit.

I’m still on a peak staring down at the valleys, I see the forest I’d lost myself in, and now I can rally.

I rally myself, I muster my spirit, I dive into my emotions and allow myself to feel it.

She may never know what these words mean for me to write, but even so, I am happy to bring them to light.

More words bleed out than what I knew I had left, and yet I feel steady. There is joy in each breath.

Divided Attention

Can I see the forest for the trees? No, I am lost in the forest. It looks like the sea.

A sea of trees deep in the autumnal season, having lost all their leafs.

And through the bare branches, it is sun, shimmering on sap that sits and shines even when the day is done.

Because the night is not enough to take away this light.

The moon shines through the branches all the same, with starlight a fire flickers that does not burn, that does not maim.

Deep and unyielding, a sea of brown with flecks of silver and gold, the forest is alight, a story that is new yet old.

It is not that I see love in these trees. It is just that I am thankful that for a moment, they shined their light on me. 

Distant Dreams

Distant memories haunt me today, ones I thought I had put away.

I let go, I moved forward, I felt peace that lasted; yet now my dreams take me, and they don’t take me past it.

Instead, I am taken to the past, to a time when my dreams were more vivid, consumed by you once more, and so I must live it.

I live in that dream, the one that I don’t want to be defining, yet you’re here again… in my writing.

I write you away as I’ve done once before, the dream fades, and my heart no longer sways.

I let go again, and hope that better times are on their way, I let myself dream, but this time of better days.

Heavy Hearted

How can I be comfortable carrying the weight of this heart of mine, how do I carry it each day, how do I face time.

Time adds weight because my heart only grows, so much to give with nowhere for it to go.

Yet there are places for my heart to give, people to reach, a new way to live.

To fulfill myself is to live my life through love, I will give myself with every life I touch.

Myself is enough so I give it freely, self sacrifice is my gift so I’ll give it daily.

Love is beautiful because of everywhere it can apply, it does not require romance and it fights through all lies.

The lies of this world are easy to breach if you’re comfortable with a heavy heart, and you’re willing to seek.

A heavy heart is not a curse, for its weight has meaning, and through that weight you find your being.

My heart tells its story, the story of its weight, it is heavy, but it is strong, that is its fate.

Affixed Vision

Don’t need somebody to save me because I have already been saved, in looking inwards I’ve escaped the grave.

I am known by God and have the will to do what I must, I keep moving forward, my faith based in trust.

I trust that these times I face are only for this moment, I am strengthened by the pressing, strengthened by my atonement.

I atone for my past, for the times I was bitter, for the times I turned my back, for the times I’ve been a sinner.

For by God’s love I was born in sin, but by that love I am born again and again.

I have been made new for the thousandth time, there are no demons in my way that my God and I cannot slay.

I find power in myself that comes from Him, these years of pain were worth it for He is and has always been.

I am already saved, and still am saved more with each day, my God has proven good, so in His presence I will stay.

The World by Her Light

I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.

She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.

She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.

She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.

She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.

By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.

And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.

Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.

I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.

I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.

Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.

An Ending Well Met

Restoration and growth, I found in myself the ability to let go.

I said what I needed to and in that I found my peace, I escaped great loss and know now what it’s like to be free.

I’ve seen you for who you are and am able to let this pass I wish nothing but the best for you, and I know that feeling will last.

My soul restored, my ability to write still around, I accept in this moment a peaceful and comforting sound.

The sound of my inner voice resounds in my mind, I am enough, so to myself I will be kind.

I have found this peace through you and through God, one with myself accepting these feelings though they may be odd.

I am me and you are you, through simple clear communication I have come to know truth.

The fruit of my efforts did not grow what I had sought, but I still feel closure and that is saying allot.

An end to a beginning that was fruitful and great I accept this today, I accept our seperate fates.

If only I had met you at a diffrent time, yet maybe this was how we were meant to meet and that can be sublime.

Sublime, the perfect word to express the end… though of course In such a word I would always welcome something to start again.

Ceaseless in Nature

Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.

But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.

Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.

Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.

When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.

A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.

They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.

A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.

They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.

True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.

I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.

Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.

Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.

Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.

For She to be Free

It’s rare to find one’s self feeling in such a way, I want her, to speak to her, my heart has been swayed.

Yet in these feelings so random but so pure,I find myself moving beyond the allure.

For when I pray, I don’t pray for us to be together, I pray for your happiness, for whatever is better.

Better whether I can hold her or not,her smile my upmost concern beyond what I have sought.

Of course I seek her heart after the way she’s made me feel, but I recognize it’s damage and wish foremost for it to be healed.

To see her heart whole and to know her smile is true, I think I could move on even whilst knowing I’d be blue.

Yet so far I have not given up, I accept what may come, but until it is clear I will not say that I am done.

I want to pursue this, to show that we could be great, I just hope the expressions of my heart when spoken will not be too late.

I tread carefully though for I know this pursuit is fragile, it’s worth every second, it’s worth waiting for a while.

For while I wait I can still come to know her more, I can fall harder, and prepare myself for what life decides to have in store.

Whatever does happen I find my peace, I just hope she finds hers, I hope her heart can find its release.

Facing Two Futures

Just because I wish to be with you does not mean It will be so, I have to be prepared for the pain of letting go.

I want you to find joy, and that may not include me, so I decloud my vision once more and force myself to see.

I look to a future where I know you no more, it hurts me at my depths reaches and cracks my core.

Yet I still want most to see you find your peace, to see you find freedom to see you be released.

You’ve had so much pain, so much strife and struggle, my feelings grow for you but still they are muddled.

My feelings are murky because I know what I want, I want to grow close, but I may be the wrong dose.

Only you can decide the medecine you need, so I have to be prepared if it’s a medecine that I can’t be.

For I know I’m not perfect, we are diffrent in many ways, and yet the more I know the more I feel we are quite the same.

I feel like we fit like a two piece puzzle, but whether that is really true is up to you and that is my struggle.

A struggle worth facing, and so I wil write, to calm my heart, and stop it from racing.

For though it races for you it may not be my place, I hope that it is, but if not that is something that I can and will face.