It’s rare to find one’s self feeling in such a way, I want her, to speak to her, my heart has been swayed.
Yet in these feelings so random but so pure,I find myself moving beyond the allure.
For when I pray, I don’t pray for us to be together, I pray for your happiness, for whatever is better.
Better whether I can hold her or not,her smile my upmost concern beyond what I have sought.
Of course I seek her heart after the way she’s made me feel, but I recognize it’s damage and wish foremost for it to be healed.
To see her heart whole and to know her smile is true, I think I could move on even whilst knowing I’d be blue.
Yet so far I have not given up, I accept what may come, but until it is clear I will not say that I am done.
I want to pursue this, to show that we could be great, I just hope the expressions of my heart when spoken will not be too late.
I tread carefully though for I know this pursuit is fragile, it’s worth every second, it’s worth waiting for a while.
For while I wait I can still come to know her more, I can fall harder, and prepare myself for what life decides to have in store.
Whatever does happen I find my peace, I just hope she finds hers, I hope her heart can find its release.
Eyes
Facing Two Futures
Just because I wish to be with you does not mean It will be so, I have to be prepared for the pain of letting go.
I want you to find joy, and that may not include me, so I decloud my vision once more and force myself to see.
I look to a future where I know you no more, it hurts me at my depths reaches and cracks my core.
Yet I still want most to see you find your peace, to see you find freedom to see you be released.
You’ve had so much pain, so much strife and struggle, my feelings grow for you but still they are muddled.
My feelings are murky because I know what I want, I want to grow close, but I may be the wrong dose.
Only you can decide the medecine you need, so I have to be prepared if it’s a medecine that I can’t be.
For I know I’m not perfect, we are diffrent in many ways, and yet the more I know the more I feel we are quite the same.
I feel like we fit like a two piece puzzle, but whether that is really true is up to you and that is my struggle.
A struggle worth facing, and so I wil write, to calm my heart, and stop it from racing.
For though it races for you it may not be my place, I hope that it is, but if not that is something that I can and will face.
Unexpected Falls
One last piece to work this all out before I just scream, before I just shout.
It’s built up and grown out, until it hit the peak, these feelings that blossomed making me both strong and weak.
I’ve felt so alive, I’ve felt so dead, a confusing connection that may have all been in my head.
I’ve fallen before, time and time again, and yet I didn’t expect this, didn’t mean to let you in.
The excuse of being open, but why was I open with her, some doors should stay closed no matter the allure.
But still I was so caught up, lost in the forest, consumed by the stars, I just wanted the opportunity to learn who you are.
Though I feel it wasn’t my place wrong time, wrong person, we are galaxies away.
I tried and I prayed yet still I feel I failed, why feel like this if our connection will only grow cold and stale.
Am I giving up or is it just not right, I’m not sure what I’m meant to do she gives me vision yet clouds my sight.
Never been so lost in the way I feel, but at the very least I know when I fell… that it was real.
A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”
Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…
My Heart’s Eyes Opened
Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.
A Pen For A War
Let pen be grasped as sword, for this battle, and this war.
I fight for freedom that was given unto me, I fight for others, so that they may see.
My eyes have opened up wide so that I would finally see this world, beat down,
broken, but so loved by my Lord.
broken, but so loved by my Lord.
This brokenness I find, God has made it my purpose to fill the cracks with gold, because beautifully broken is how I see it all, with the eyes of my soul.
So I live this life for God, taking Him with me on every step of the way, my God is a clear path that the world cannot sway.
I will follow this path until the end of my days, for my Lord has restored me, so in Him I shall stay.
I claim these words for God that some would read and be saved, the Lord of creation loves you, and so His son for YOU He gave.
Salvation is in your grasp, so claim it today, there is more than heaven to gain, there is a life full of meaning, and a loss of all shame.
You’re meant for so much more, so please take up your pen… your sword, together we strike at Satan and claim proudly that Christ is Lord.
We are free on this day from our sorrows and soars this battle we have won, but suit up dear child, there is still a war.
Some Thoughts and A Poem
I prequisite My newest, poem which I believe to be one of my greatest yet with some of my thoughts. To start I will say that I give all glory to God for the beauty that has ensued in my life as of late and I will proudly spread the message of my God. I will fearlessly stand for what I believe in and know to be true by my experiances.
My depression has been a great oppresion on my life for years now and had plagued my mind in a way that I feared my own self. At my worst if you had asked me what my greatest fear was, I would have answered that I was afraid to one day lose the fight and take my own life, I was deeply afraid to lose sight of what I had left holding me to this life. What I had was my family, friends, my writing, and most importantly God. God can be seen even through the other things that kept me holding on, but one of the things that most truly kept me going was the writing which He had blessed me with. Had I not been able to purge the very cries of my anguished soul onto countless pages I truly would have festered in my own sorrow until I was lost. My writing was my salvation and still is, this salvation does though come by the hand of God.
Now to the purpose behind my newest poem, I in my darker times had come up with how I viewed my depression. The way I viewed my depression was a small boy locked in a small cage inside my head always crying with a lurking beast outside ready to devour him whole. I believe I saw this boy as me in those times, back then I could see no escape. My new poem is about that boys journey, and the deliverance he and I both have found.
“A Boy, A Beast, and A Man”
There was a little boy inside my mind trapped inside a cage, outside was a gnawing beast roaring with great rage!
The boy would cry more and more with each day that passed, never to grow up, never to see what life had in store.
The boy was plagued by this beast with its gnashing claws, he would reach out for help but nothing he reached for would reach back; it all felt relentless, a never ending attack.
The boy was so lost he would have reached for anything that walked by, but the voice that would save him was drowned out by the beast’s horrid cry.
The boy was all but dead until he finally took control, friends and family worked to make his saviors voice louder than that of the beast’s they shouted and shouted for the boy’s release.
The boy finally stood up with the tears fading from his eyes and took hold of the door, it was never locked… and suddenly the cage disappeared.
The monster before him that had looked like Hell it’s self was whimpering beneath his feet with the saviors voice finally loud and clear.
This day a battle was waged and in a swift strike it was done, he heard that voice say don’t worry they can’t hurt you, YOU are MY son.
From this day forth the boy grew into his own following his savior closely, his savior like a river constantly molding and strengthening a stone.
Now this man is not a boy, he now stands firm, the battlefield is empty of enemies but he is surrounded by great soldiers, the angels his savior sent him he finally feels no fear.
This man is free now, freer than he ever thought he could be, so he roams the battlefields searching for those in a cage, he shouts to them with great passion always making sure to be louder than the beasts rage.
Joy
Joy, I feel it course through me as the Holy Spirit wages war for my happiness… for my very soul. Joy is not what most people understand it to be. Joy is the last soldier on a battlefield standing against an army with no chance of survival except by the hand of God. Joy is the hope of God, the comfort that our Savior will hold us steady no matter what storm we face. Every day I face the same battles waged in my mind. I often feel like I can’t break free from my own despair. The beautiful thing about joy that most do not understand is that it is separate from happiness. Joy stays with us even when the tears flow and depression is ripping into our very souls. Joy is trusting in God, in His almighty power. Joy is everything to me, because without it I’d already be dead.
Joy is the hand that holds on as the rest of your being reaches for the release of death. Joy is what has given me a chance and allowed me to continue to fight. I have such a passion for joy because even now I am deeply saddened by state this world is in. Still, I have a hope and I trust that God will restore light to this broken world. Sometimes I don’t feel like I want to be but I am supposed to be that light. I often cannot help but flicker and sometimes in doing so I hurt others with my flame. It’s difficult and I’ts shameful when you realize you’ve hurt someone else. The reason I need God and joy is so that I can live to see another day and know that God will continue to use me despite my mistakes. I am nothing without God and so He fills me with joy. Though the battles I face are tough and I often grow too tired to face them anymore, I am lucky to have a God who restores me and stands by my side.I may lose myself but God will never forget who I am. My God keeps me and restores me all by the hand of joy.
A Girl and Her Storm
Her smile shined in a darkness that she herself had borne, she walked it around like a dark cloud before a heavy storm.
The storm came with her tears when that lovely smile was no more, but after storms come rainbows and brighter skies; the rainbow was in her eyes.
Her eyes changed like the seasons, her emotions deciding the fate of their colors, you could see her soul in those eyes, an ever changing beauty like no other.
She is still learning to tame this storm, but the more she learns the fiercer she becomes, a force to be reckoned with… her gaze would leave any man stunned.
I can’t say all that she is for I’m still learning moment by moment each one I find better than the last, I don’t even seem to mind it going nowhere fast.
Such a light within such darkness I am glad just to have as a friend, I will value her deeply until the very end.
I believe this girl will become a storm herself, growing mightier than the ones she has faced, she will fight fire with fire as she learns the Lords embrace.
She is destined for many great things, of that I am certainly sure, the beautiful thing to realize is that her growth will have come from this storm.
The Flood I Feed
Let the sadness sink in once more, let it all come flooding back, what a weak man I must be to fall over and over to the same attack.
These are the things I say to myself I’m worthless, hideous, an irremediable screw up at best; yet even still I do not let it wear on my soul, it’s nothing but another test.
I am loved and I am free, made. beautiful in that secret place, my God keeps me and in Him alone I am truly safe.
Let love flow once again, let the joy come flooding back, no sorrow or darkness can stand to the will of my God, that is how i survive and stand tall after each attack.
Tales of Dylan 