thoughts

Loss is Gain

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A geyser of gratitude overflows from my soul, it is well because I’ve given God control.

A change in my life that is out of my hands, and yet I am at peace, and I still stand.

I praise God for these moments, I praise Him for this growth, He’s not done with me, and so I make another oath.

I swear to my Lord that I will use these emotions. They well up inside and crash like the ocean.

These waves crash on a door that has now been broken down, let the sea empty out, and all anxiety drown.

I find peace in an ending, maybe because it’s one I expected, even if it’s not one I necessarily elected.

I put in effort, and I feel thankful for what I received, I learned about another soul, and I could ask for no more relief.

There was beauty in the brevity of these beautiful days, and so I let God guide the beauty into words that will stay.

People come and go, but their impact remains, I rest in this peace knowing what I’ve gained.

Never to be Known

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She will never know… never know how I’ve grown.

She will never see the effect she had on me.

She won’t read the lines I was lead to write. She won’t know they kept me up at night.

She won’t feel that passion I poured into these pages, but I still pray for her happiness to grow through the ages.

Another stepping stone of growth and learning, but this time, I’m not even left with the yearning.

This made sense. The pieces didn’t fit, so it’s bittersweet, but I’m not in a pit.

I’m still on a peak staring down at the valleys, I see the forest I’d lost myself in, and now I can rally.

I rally myself, I muster my spirit, I dive into my emotions and allow myself to feel it.

She may never know what these words mean for me to write, but even so, I am happy to bring them to light.

More words bleed out than what I knew I had left, and yet I feel steady. There is joy in each breath.

Heavy Hearted

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How can I be comfortable carrying the weight of this heart of mine, how do I carry it each day, how do I face time.

Time adds weight because my heart only grows, so much to give with nowhere for it to go.

Yet there are places for my heart to give, people to reach, a new way to live.

To fulfill myself is to live my life through love, I will give myself with every life I touch.

Myself is enough so I give it freely, self sacrifice is my gift so I’ll give it daily.

Love is beautiful because of everywhere it can apply, it does not require romance and it fights through all lies.

The lies of this world are easy to breach if you’re comfortable with a heavy heart, and you’re willing to seek.

A heavy heart is not a curse, for its weight has meaning, and through that weight you find your being.

My heart tells its story, the story of its weight, it is heavy, but it is strong, that is its fate.

Pens and Pain

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It’s going to hurt a little, but that just means that what you feel is real, so ready yourself, become sturdy like steel.

The words that will come will be tied with a little pain, but there’s a reason they’re coming out, a reason they shouldn’t just stay in your brain.

You bleed with your words, you cry, you shout, this just means you’re alive, so try to stand stout.

Words can heal, and change perspective, they will always be worth writing even if they don’t achieve your intended objective.

Words hold power of life and death, so use them to love and don’t worry about the rest.

The pen uses blood more than it uses ink, so keep yourself healthy, and don’t be afraid to think.

So think with your heart and feel with your mind, if that doesn’t make sense then just give it time.

There is so much beauty in this life and it’s all worth expressing, even if it hurts, because those are life’s most beautiful and imactful lessons.

The World by Her Light

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I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.

She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.

She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.

She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.

She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.

By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.

And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.

Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.

I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.

I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.

Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.

The Fires We Carry

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A faint flickering flame that refuses to fade away, there is reason for it to burn, and so it will stay.

It burns because it matters not because it seeks to burn bright, instead it accepts itself as this…just a faint light.

Yet this light is enough, there is reason for it to be, because for one to have a light does not rest on reciprocity.

This flame it blazed and grew, but there is always a time to let a flame burn true.

A flame burns truest when you let it find its own pace, it was not meant to burn brightly, yet it still leaves a trace.

I carry the flame with me, I wouldn’t dare put it out, for the fire is somehow a reminder of what rain can do in a drought.

Duplicity, warmth, light, and something that only gives, this fire will burn on with me so long as I live.

Restoration in the Quiet

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I know that words do not have the power that I wish they did, there is so much more, and in that life’s mysteries are hid.

I wish with just my words I could change what people see and feel, but that is not true life…that is not what’s real.

Because words often aren’t enough, I’ll act, I’ll pray, I’ll try to give out love.

For love is not only expressed in words, it’s the actions, the attitudes, the heart that is stirred.

Now my heart has been stirred, and words were once again not sufficient, but in myself I still find a passion that is relentless.

I have purpose and my words still hold power, they come from a greater source, and so they are worth a painful hour.

For when words are not enough my Lord still makes me whole, words were not enough, yet still He restores my soul.

An Ending Well Met

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Restoration and growth, I found in myself the ability to let go.

I said what I needed to and in that I found my peace, I escaped great loss and know now what it’s like to be free.

I’ve seen you for who you are and am able to let this pass I wish nothing but the best for you, and I know that feeling will last.

My soul restored, my ability to write still around, I accept in this moment a peaceful and comforting sound.

The sound of my inner voice resounds in my mind, I am enough, so to myself I will be kind.

I have found this peace through you and through God, one with myself accepting these feelings though they may be odd.

I am me and you are you, through simple clear communication I have come to know truth.

The fruit of my efforts did not grow what I had sought, but I still feel closure and that is saying allot.

An end to a beginning that was fruitful and great I accept this today, I accept our seperate fates.

If only I had met you at a diffrent time, yet maybe this was how we were meant to meet and that can be sublime.

Sublime, the perfect word to express the end… though of course In such a word I would always welcome something to start again.

Ceaseless in Nature

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Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.

But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.

Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.

Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.

When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.

A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.

They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.

A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.

They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.

True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.

I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.

Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.

Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.

Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.

The Reason for Repetition

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A repeating story that I no longer want to hear, and yet it forces it’s way past my defenses, booming in my ears.

I see you clear as the day, though I cant speak the words that I truly want to say.

These words will be trapped and soon this too shall pass, and yet I didn’t want to let this one go; you reached into me… set a fire within my soul.

You set me ablaze and reminded me of the beauty this world has to give, It is partially because of you that I once again live.

I see what you’ve given me and try to just be thankful for what this has been, but I cant help wanting more, can’t help wanting to be let in.

I want to be let in to your life, to truly know you beyond just what I can write.

Because I can explain the you that I see with all the words I know, but it isn’t enough, I need to know how and why you glow.

You glow with a light that has brought color back into my days, I can’t help but smile when I have the opportunity to meet your gaze.

I have tried to meet it as often as I can, for I know it is fleeting, and soon I am unlikely to meet that gaze again.

Because soon you will leave without me ever having tried, and I cant help mourning the inspiration that will have died.

You have done for my words what none have been able to before, you’ve affected me, and changed me, changed me at my core.

So of course I want more, of course this ballad repeats, I want to be closer to the fire that is you, I want to be warmed by your heat.