I often lose sleep do to the sole thought that I walk this earth alone. I have God, I have family, and I have dear friends. Despite all that I do have, my soul still longs for love, one that shatters my perception of reality and pushes me into a new joyous world I never knew existed. I long for true love, I wish for it to flow through my veins and strengthen my very bones, I have a rib lost to me somewhere sitting inside the woman to whom I owe all of my affection. I can’t seem to figure it out, so I stay awake thinking surely surely if i were to sleep now the answer would be there, I must stay awake for one more moment. I’m gambling on a lost cause, and I constantly check my phone because in the time I live in the answers are always there, If I can’t Google it, YouTube it, Instagram it, or Facebook it, it shouldn’t matter right? I feel lost without this love that I seek one day I will find it or it will find me, for now I let my Passionate fury die and I will try once more to sleep.
romance
My Deepest Fear
I’m a blunt person, I generally believe in absolute honesty and feel that i have nothing worth hiding. We are all humans, we all have our problems and flaws. No matter what we face as people each day there is nothing new under the sun, I feel that there’s no point in me keeping quiet of something I struggle with because if I do then how will i ever receive an opportunity to help others in the same boat. Now that my introductory rambling on is finished with I can arrive at the true topic of discussion, my deepest fear. A few weeks or so back a friend asked me what my deepest fear was, as to others who have asked before I answered in the same manor, bluntly and honestly, my deepest fear is that one day my depression will win and I will simply end my own life. Do not, however take this statement the wrong way I am not nor have I ever been truly suicidal. I do have a fear though that my depression is stronger that what it lets off and that one day it will give it all it has to take me. Fears are often irrational and I don’t believe this one is an exception, I don’t believe I would ever reach that point nor do I believe that even at my darkest times I would be able to ignore the presence of God in my life or the consequences that my following actions could have on my eternity. My fear is irrational and ironically keeps me strong for my fear does not always exist but instead only exists when I am lost within the dark confines of my own mind. My fear of losing to my depression only appears when a battle arises, and when that fear arises I fight even harder. Death will not take my body until the Lord calls me Himself to everlasting life. It may be hard and at time feel lonely and hopeless but I have work to do and it starts by defeating my deepest fear every time it shows its face. There is hope and there is light that will always exist, Jesus Christ will guide my sword.
Even the Past Must Move On
I find these old memories lost in the shadows of my mind, I didn’t think they’d be back, but now I’m under attack.
Nostalgia and déjà vu, all at once when i see a picture of you.
What am I to do with this information that I’ve found, that my heart still seeks you, and your voice…I am deafened by the sound.
I know not what to do with these emotions with which I’ve been struck, I can not move, I am simply stuck.
Every word i read, every picture i see, all I feel are painful memories.
I speak not of a girl or even of a friend, but simply the past which seems better than this present tense.
That’s the thing about the past, you get to pick and choose what you see but much of it was costly, not all joyful and free.
I long for the past for it held simpler times, chasing a brown eyed girl and writing simpler rhymes.
I’ve reached a point that I just long for something more, something beyond my depression, something to make my soul soar.
I look to the past, present, and future for the one thing that remained constant, Yahweh, my God I worship your presence.
So, now I look not to the past, but instead to the present for each step I take will not be woefully spent.
Nostalgia is lovely, but not to be taken fully to heart the memories I’ve made are in the past, and each day is a new start.
In The Fall
I will forever be in love with those ever changing eyes, that green and gold twisting vortex of leaves, that showed itself… to me.
I come to understand that your eyes foretold a warning in the way they changed like the fall, you were changing as well, that’s how I lost it all.
Now I sit in the fall wondering where you’ve gone, I remember it all, staying up talking from dusk till the dawn.
The way the sun rose when it rose upon your face was the most beautiful sight I’ve seen, it’s been so hard to try and replace.
I keep searching for answers, but the answers don’t come, i made you more than my world, you were the center of me…my very sun.
Nature is the only way i could ever think to explain you, so i do it once more, hoping to understand, how did i lose you…and when did i become such a broken man.
I still have my God, that much i know but i could swear i felt something pure and true between our two souls; I lost you, and in that i lost control.
Now that I’ve recovered and picked myself back up, i still feel it all deep within my heart; Ill try to ignore it at least for now, but the thoughts always come back and that is why i feel… like my heart is under attack.
So i fight through this storm and embrace the change in weather, for this fall is one that will do nothing but sever.
Eyes
I often look into peoples eyes and see more than what i feel others see. Each eye holds its own glimmer and shine, and each in its own spot. The eyes color, light, and movement along with the things we feel tell stories that most don’t know how to read. Within eyes one can see honesty, lies, joy, sadness, pain, faith, and much more. I believe there are small worlds held within our eyes filling each particle of color up with our thoughts and emotions. It’s truly amazing how we as people can fall for certain eyes my poison of course is brown eyes. Every time I look into a pair of brown eyes i could swear their entire soul is on display. The worlds I see within them are like a fantasy world to me, I’d do anything to make my way in and stay. Often times people with brown eyes don’t even like their own eyes and it breaks my heart because I find them so wonderful. The mountain of poems that have been inspired by brown eyed girls just shows how dearly my soul will reach out for them. It seems like such a small quality the color of one’s eyes and admittedly in a way it is. There is no guarantee that the woman I marry will have brown eyes because while I fall for a color what I truly fall for is the soul inside. We should all pay more attention to the individual little flickers of emotion within each-others eyes. The beauty that I’ve discovered by consistently gazing into others eyes has filled my soul. While this world will fill your eyes with darkness, sorrow, and tears, one can always see that one little glimmer in the corner of the eye reminding us all that our soul is alive and will remain unbroken by the terrors of this world. The glimmer for me and that of many others is a flame that will never die out, i hold fast to the joy of Christ and His love will forever guide my eyes.
I Am In A river
I am in a river, flowing steady and strong, it twists and turns for what feels to be far too long.
Feels like i’m in the deep, struggling to swim above the water, all around me are people on land, none care for me as i reach out desperately with my hand.
I’ve been in this river for quite some time but still may have a while to go, i cant see the end quite yet but the water’s at least a bit more shallow.
I haven’t lived in this river my whole life, in fact I’ve been on land many times, most times i was thrown back in the water, but sometimes i just jumped in, i must keep faith there is an end.
The problem i have with the river is impatience at the core, when i see a way out i jump for it, but i should know by now ill always end up wanting more.
Its hard to tell where the river ends so we often make mistakes, we leave the river for solid ground but it simply crumbles beneath our feet.
The river has widened due to my follies so I just keep floating trying to keep faith that God has made my river well and that the end of the river holds a beautiful shell.
I jumped from the river for shells in the past, but none of them were right, none of them could last.
I look back on the shells i held and the solid ground on which i stood, i think of the result and I’m in a different mood.
The river is not so bad, in fact it keeps us from harm, i must hold out until i reach the end, there i will see my perfect shell’s charm.
I am in a river, flowing steady and strong, it twists and turns for what I’m sure couldn’t be too terribly long.
Shy From His Shack
You’re breaking my being into a shambled shack of lost dreams outside it’s window you can see the stream.
This stream you see has been made up of tears, they are from the eyes of a man who would chase you for many years.
This man lives deep in the forest where he hopes and prays, all he wants is for you to come to him… One day.
But one day is a day that shall never come because you have better options and out of those he can’t even beat some.
He is a man who knows when he has been beaten, but like the nature around him he can’t ignore the beautiful brown in the bright souled eyes everything in him when he sees her smile… well it simply dies.
But then he Is brought back to life, his heart gets a jolt from his love for her soul.
This has made all the difference, the way she kills him yet adds meaning to his breaths that’s why he lives secluded in a forest, secluded until his death.
The Scorpion and The Fish
There was a river by a beach where a fish always swam; the fish swam to the shore each day…looking for something more.
There was a scorpion very fierce as dangerous as he may be, he loved to walk all along that beach.
One day the shimmering fish swam slightly above the waters, the scorpion saw and from that point sought after her.
The acts of passion that this scorpion made could probably have attracted many but not her, not this day.
The fish saw the sea and her opportunities; there were many of her own kind and couldn’t think of him as more, that was just her state of mind.
This did not make the fish evil and In fact made her quite wise and even more so kind, she was beautiful to her core with her choices, such a beautiful mind.
The scorpion was not sad he simply kept searching the fish was his dream but he wasn’t the type to keep lurking.
This passion was one that never could have been, two different souls though one grasped at the other their only love was that of a sister to a brother.
The scorpion still prays that the fish will come back by but if she does not, he knows God will bring another He could never lose his joy it is far too great a wonder.
Purpose For a Peach
Foolishness at fault, for the failures of mankind we are frivolously fighting and no one seems to mind.
The woman once known was to be wished for by all but all who saw could not see that which was in she.
She who held all in her eyes, brown beauty soft as summer’s sand, could be seen to the end of the skies all down the land.
And her lips they matched with the gentle plumping of a peach, sweet to it’s core and seeds with great reach.
She is light in a smile the moon to brighten the night, and each and every day I wait for the sun to sift it’s way down so that I may see it, the eyes so brown.
I fall as all men do but at least I fall for such a sweet fruit.
Though this sweat peach may lay burden behind my life I partake in its flavor knowing I have a savior.
So no matter the choice though I shall try to do well I actually think that this girl could take me further from hell.
Tales of Dylan 