Even the Past Must Move On

I find these old memories lost in the shadows of my mind, I didn’t think they’d be back, but now I’m under attack.

Nostalgia and déjà vu, all at once when i see a picture of you.

What am I to do with this information that I’ve found, that my heart still seeks you, and your voice…I am deafened by the sound.

I know not what to do with these emotions with which I’ve been struck, I can not move, I am simply stuck.

Every word i read,  every picture i see, all I feel are painful memories.

I speak not of a girl or even of a friend,  but simply the past which seems better than this present tense.

That’s the thing about the past,  you get to pick and choose what you see but much of it was costly,  not all joyful and free.

I long for the past for it held simpler times, chasing a brown eyed girl and writing simpler rhymes.

I’ve reached a point that I just long for something more, something beyond my depression, something to make my soul soar.

I look to the past, present, and future for the one thing that remained constant, Yahweh, my God I worship your presence.

So, now I look not to the past, but instead to the present for each step I take will not be woefully spent.

Nostalgia is lovely, but not to be taken fully to heart the memories I’ve made are in the past,  and each day is a new start.

Shy From His Shack

You’re breaking my being into a shambled shack of lost dreams outside it’s window you can see the stream.

This stream you see has been made up of tears, they are from the eyes of a man who would chase you for many years.

This man lives deep in the forest where he hopes and prays, all he wants is for you to come to him… One day.

But one day is a day that shall never come because you have better options and out of those he can’t even beat some.

He is a man who knows when he has been beaten, but like the nature around him he can’t ignore the beautiful brown in the bright souled eyes everything in him when he sees her smile… well it simply dies.

But then he Is brought back to life, his heart gets a jolt from his love for her soul.

This has made all the difference, the way she kills him yet adds meaning to his breaths that’s why he lives secluded in a forest, secluded until his death.

The Scorpion and The Fish

There was a river by a beach where a fish always swam; the fish swam to the shore  each day…looking for something more.

There was a scorpion very fierce as dangerous as he may be, he loved to walk all along that beach.

One day the shimmering fish swam slightly above the waters, the scorpion saw and from that point sought after her.

The acts of passion that this scorpion made could probably have attracted many but not her, not this day.

The fish saw the sea and her opportunities; there were many of her own kind and couldn’t think of him as more, that was just her state of mind.
This did not make the fish evil and In fact made her quite wise and even more so kind, she was beautiful to her core with her choices, such a beautiful mind.

The scorpion was not sad he simply kept searching the fish was his dream but he wasn’t the type to keep lurking.

This passion was one that never could have been, two different souls though one grasped at the other their only love was that of a sister to a brother.

The scorpion still prays that the fish will come back by but if she does not, he knows God will bring another He could never lose his joy it is far too great a wonder.

5:30 Am

I lie here awake at 5:30 in the morning, not because I’m up early to be a productive member of society but because i haven’t yet slept. I was tired at 10 pm, completely prepared to go to sleep but my insomnia or perhaps just sheer stupidity kept me up.  Rather than sleeping throughout my nights I often binge watch a new show and play outdated apps on my phone that I don’t even think i have fun with. I suppose I’ll do anything to numb my mind,  to forget the things in the world around me that would cause me to despair. A little overly dramatic right? Truthfully though this is partially how i feel my body fights against my mind for a war of whether i should sleep or not. Its usually not until iv’e plagued my brain with far too many hours of useless activity and it then becomes tired along with my body. Now to get to the sleep part, I finally fall asleep but when I do I can sleep for 12 hours if I don’t force myself up because I’ve exhausted myself completely. Once i awake most of my day is gone so I briskly go through what part of my day i have left… then it starts all over.