love

You Are Meant to Be a Hero

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I haven’t been living life. I would like to of course blame this on quarantine putting everything that would normally keep me busy to a screeching halt. While blaming my lack of truly living on quarantine is somewhat of a fair concept it is in whole simply an excuse. This excuse like most excuses is worthless, using it does not return all of the time that I have wasted nor does it fix the utter boredom that has welled up within me as I have pretended that there is not still an entire world around me. What does fix this is determination, setting goals, making an effort, and overall just focusing on bettering myself as well as the life that I am living. My life has as of late been quite devoid of purpose, I have felt as though the days were simply creeping by completely out of my control. I do have control however, I have control over how I choose to live this life. Since I was a child I have loved escapism whether it be through a book, a video game, a movie, a show, or anything else. I have always sought to find escape into worlds that I can imagine myself in, in which I would find myself as a heroic more ideal version of myself. The fact is though that no matter how strong an imagination or fantasy I create, these pictures of my better self start and end within my brain. I am not doing what I must in order to actually become a better me and admitting that I can become this ideal version of myself outside of escaping into some fantasy world is hard to admit. This is hard to admit because it takes tremendous effort to become the person that you are truly meant to be. Most people spend their lives content with what they have refusing to challenge the waves of adversity before them until they slowly sink into mediocrity and pass away without ever truly facing the challenge of becoming their best self. I can not sit idly by and allow myself to become one of those people, I must force my feet onto the ground each day and make my way out into the world prepared to challenge my every thought and action until I am confident they are the works of a person that is truly willing to fight to be something more. I have a calling on my life to teach others what I can, to write every meaningful thought that comes to mind onto a page, to love people deeply and unapologetically, and to deliver the message of the Gospel to all who will hear it. If I do not see these things as being the main character of my own massive adventure of life then I am simply blind. I am not a character standing by simply listening and acting based off of the interactions of the people around me. I am my own person, the main character of an earth shaking story about to unfold. This passion is easy to lose because we live in a world that is practically made to make us complacent and content, but I will be challenging myself from this moment onward to remind myself each day that I am the protagonist and main character of my story and I am meant for more than just allowing time to pass me by. I will from this point make leaps and bounds instead of small safe steps. Radical true living and change is not possible by taking the safe and easy route, but instead by taking chances, being bold, and doing what must be done. I challenge myself and anyone else who reads this to think of themselves as the hero of their own story too, to believe that nobody else is going to change how you are living but you, and that you do not need to be a prisoner to your own mind nor your circumstances. This life is an open highway, so take a hold of the wheel and drive like you actually mean it. You will be helped along the way by friends, family, or God. This does not change the fact that the only way things are truly going to change for the better, the only way for you to become who you are really meant to be is for you to decide you want it for yourself and take action every day to make sure you do not stop believing in yourself and your ability to do great things. You the reader and myself as well are capable of doing world changing incredible feats, but the fist step is to believe. Believe what you might ask? You must believe that you are the main character of your story, you are the hero, you are capable of doing amazing things, and you must believe that there are no breaks in being the hero. Being the hero, your best self is a constant struggle that will consist of challenging yourself every minute of every day to do and be better than the moment before. I also believe that you must have God in your life to allow such radical change and to have the guidance necessary to achieve such earth changing feats. I believe that we are the hands and feet of God in this world on a mission to change it for the better, so we can not be complacent, if that type of duty does not scream that we are meant to be heroes than I do not know what will.

MATTHEW 28:18-20

Then Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

ISAIAH 6:8

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:

Who should I send?

Who will go for Us?

I said:

Here I am. Send me.

Return My Time

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Once you realize how time goes by, once you realize that time fades away… you’ll wish that you didn’t have to leave the moment, you’ll wish that you could stay.


Once you realize that your youth stood still you will miss each moment and the way they made you feel. 


You’ll miss each minute of your withering youth because each precious second felt like hours; but now a second is a second and anxiety makes it feel like you should cower. 


Your time was once freedom without dictation of the hour, you lived by what you were doing not by what was next, and once you realize the taste feels sour. 


Now that you are all grown up what will you do to take back your time? Can you steal back the seconds of the day, and pull off the perfect crime? 


Once more can you realize what you must, seize the day, make time your servant and be not yourself a slave.


Time is within our grasp and is within our control, it can not overtake us, not if we give time to our soul. 


Life gets busy and our soul goes unattended, so time moves fast and each moment feels as though it were lended. 


I tell you that each moment has been lent  not by time itself, but by a gracious God, we only have this one life and each minimal second must be caught.


Take back the seconds, the minutes, and the days believe in a God that has the ability to save. 


Salvation has come for not just your soul, but for each and every second of your life, it is time to take back the controls. 

There Was More Joy In My Life When I Was Depressed

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There was more joy in my life when I was depressed. This thought came across my head today, and although it be sad, it is also true. When I was depressed I didn’t complain about the little things because there were bigger things that concerned me. When I was depressed I always looked for and saw the light, because I had to in order to survive. Most importantly the change that defines the difference between me now and when I was depressed is how much I relied on God. In every waking moment of my life I relied on and thought about God. God was a constant when I was depressed because I consistently felt like I needed Him, God was keeping me on my feet. I loved God deeply and was devoted to Him absolutely. So the question is, what now has changed? When I was depressed I had a constant reminder of what God was doing for me and of my absolute dependence on Him. On the other side of depression being freed from the chains that once held me down I have often found myself turning from God and trying to rely on other things, I forget God because I don’t feel like I  consistently need Him. This is not to say that I do not still pray daily and read my Bible, but it is to say that I am not praying as fervently as I should nor reading my Bible as often as I should. It breaks my heart because most days I really do not know how to fix it. I sometimes as strange as it may sound miss the days of my depression, because in those days God was always my first thought and I never felt like He was not around. In many of my darkest moments I felt more of the holy spirit than I have ever felt in any other time. Now I often feels like the spirit is distant from me. Life has gotten so busy and while I take the time for many of my hobbies and simple things I do not find myself giving nearly enough time to God. I find my self most days lacking any passion at all, no inspiration to write, but when I was depressed poems flowed out of me at a constant rushing pace. In my depression there was so much to write, so many acts of God to be thankful for, and so many lights that had been revealed. Even though my depression died off, it feels like part of me died off with it that I am fighting so hard to regain. I am so far behind where I would like to be, because of the depression I am having to catch up. Lately I have become so lost in trying to catch up that I have forgotten to be thankful, joyful, and seek out the light that every day has to offer. This light that I keep speaking of is every moment in our life that stands out and puts a true smile on our face. The light in each day are those moments with your family that we should all cherish much more, the moments with friends where inside jokes are created, the moments where we stop to breathe and see the world that God has created, and the moments where we feel truly at peace. I have not felt much peace recently, but I have not necessarily felt turmoil either. There is a stillness inside of me that is causing me to grow lukewarm. I am neither committed to God nor abandoning Him. I have become almost completely still, and because of this I am almost completely devoid of joy. I have not been feeling joy because I have not been investing myself in things that would bring me joy. I have not been writing enough, reading enough, or praying enough. Most of my time with God has shifted into a task that I am good at completing rather than a moment of clarity that fills me with joy and peace. I have somehow forgotten about God while still keeping Him in my every day life. Even now God feels just out of reach, but I think this is for good reason. If I were to still feel God as I did before, I would not be so upset now, and I would not feel the need to make a change. I do not want my depression back, but I do want back the devotion I once had. It will not be as easy as things once were to be devoted and inspired. Life is busy now, and it is not easy, but all that means is that I will have to look harder for the light. I will seek God earnestly and remind myself daily that my devotion and commitment to God should be my foremost thought every day. It is true that I had more joy when I was depressed, but that was then and this is now. Each day is a new day, and with each day comes new joys to compile. Keeping joy within one’s life is a constant effort, and not an easy one at that. I am still going to be making the effort though, as hard as it may be. I will work until my joy returns stronger and better than before. I will not return to who I was, but i will become better, I will seek God in my every breath and I will do my best not to let myself forget Him anymore. I commit myself to not be still and not be lukewarm. I commit myself to finding true and constant joy, one outside of the depression that once dictated my life. 

Tangible Love

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I want to explore the type of love that humans most seek out. I feel that we most often seek out a love that is most tangible to us. We want a love that we can run to, a love that we can feel, hear, and see. We want a love that can be proved because we are doubting insecure beings. We even often convince ourselves that we deserve someone’s love just because we gave love to them. The truth behind the tangible love we usually experience though is that it is inconsistent, it fails, and both people need to reciprocate the love for it to work.

The reason I’ve set out to explain our connection with this tangible love is so that I can explore why it is so difficult for us to seek earnestly the perfect love of God. The perfect love of God does not need to be reciprocated, it is given to us without question. God’s love is unfailing and always the same, which is why it can feel foreign and seems almost impossible that it could exist. God’s love often feels intangible, we cannot touch it, or prove it by the verbal affirmation we are used to receiving from people.

The love we receive from God is different, but it is better. We do not have to work for this love, it is there for us constantly, and the words of affirmation that we seek and feel that we don’t receive are hidden in pages in that book that collects dust on most of our shelves. Whenever one begins to feel separated from God it can often mean that they aren’t communicating with Him, and long distance relationships are always hard without communication, in fact any relationship is.

God’s way of communicating His love for us is best felt through digging into the scripture, the pages of the Bible are truly a love letter written for us. We expect to be able to connect with God and return His love when we will not even read the pages on which the Lord of all creation poured His very heart out on. Our father in Heaven gave us the perfect reminder of His love in the Bible, and the Bible is a tangible thing, we can feel it, we can see it, we can run to it, and while we may not necessarily be able to prove it all, that is where faith steps in. The success of our relationship with God is based solely on our faith and willingness to participate in the relationship.

God is already constantly putting in His half of the work, so when we don’t feel God’s love we must ask ourselves how we are disconnecting from Him. While God’s love for us is perfect the relationship itself is flawed if we are not putting in work as well. Not only are we disadvantaged by not reading the scripture but we are also held back if we do not take opportunities to tell God we love Him. I am sure many would say that they say they love the Lord but ask yourself when the last time was that you poured your heart out in worship or prayed a prayer that brought you to tears. How often do we with full sincerity while putting meaning behind our words tell God that we love Him?

In the Church, we often use the phrasing “God knows my heart”, but isn’t this just being lazy and avoiding the effort that we should be putting into our relationship with God. God may know what you want to say but if you do not pour your heart out earnestly you are doing yourself a disservice, not God. It is our hearts that seek out verbal affirmation and our hearts that not only need to hear it but need to feel like they are being heard as well. God is always listening but if we aren’t talking there is nothing that can be done for us.

So, my challenge for anyone who reads this post is to make your love relationship with God a tangible one, read your Bible, make it to Church, worship with full abandon, and make sure you are expressing your love to God in everything you do. Without love we have nothing, but if we can be in a true reciprocal tangible relationship with God then my friend, we have everything.

Facing Our Worries

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Early this Sunday morning im thinking about worries. Every day I feel anxious about something, worrying about the things ahead of me. The thing about worrying though is that each and every one of them is something that we cannot change. Usually this bad thing that may happen, if it does there is nothing we can do about it. This is where God comes in, we are told to cast our worries on Him.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22 NIV

Give it all to God today, do not be shaken, conquer every fear, and let God handle what you can’t. There are many things that we wont be able to change, but for those things God is our only option. I think this is pretty comforting, it makes the thought process pretty simple. Go through the steps and ask yourself, can you change it? If the answer is no give it to God. Now if we have given this worry to God then who are we to continue to worry about what the God of all creation will do with our situation? God has a purpose for all things, and if the worse should come to pass take confidence that He will use it for good. Focus on what is in front of you, not what is ahead.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIV

No worry is too small or too big, God will gladly handle your situation. It will be a challenge because you have to trust in God’s timing as well, but in the end it will always be well worth it. Remember in your struggle that God is constant and hears your prayers, but perfect timing doesnt happen right when you ask for it, it happens when the timing is perfect. When you look back on struggles in your past you will usually notice great blessings that only came because of what you went through. I was talking to a friend just recently about something bad that he had went through that made him feel like he had really been set back in life. We sat and looked at the situation though, if he hadn’t gone through that we wouldn’t have been so close, he wouldn’t have been as driven as he is now, and he may not have been as happy as he now is. The point is, sure he could have been further in life already, but he is catching up. He learned allot through that struggle, he will go forward in life stronger, more confidently, and wiser than before. New opportunities await him that may be greater than ones he would have had without that struggle. New opportunities await you as well, never focus on the sorrow that is, but instead on the joy that will be.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18 NIV

We have free will, that means that there are going to be mistakes, but oh what an all powerful God we serve that he moves the very earth around us to compensate for each one. Don’t question God’s plan, He will make happen what is supposed to happen, and eventually in His time you will find your joy. Worries are not worth our time, spend time in prayer and God will grant you comfort. Remember that it is out of your hands. We need to remember to let go, and humble ourselves. We do not need to control everything we face. Let your Father in Heaven handle the things that you can’t, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. Be comforted that while we are merely human the most powerful being that is has your situation in His hands, and nothing can stop the hands of God.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 NIV

For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?
Isaiah 14:27 NIV

My Favorite Sound

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   This feeling must be one that I long ago had lost, a heat rising up within me melting off the frost.
   I feel new, I feel free, by something as simple as this, that smile it overtakes me and I am filled with sweet bliss.
   My heart bubbling up as I hang on to each word that she speaks, it is a feeling so abrasive I feel like it should stop but still that is not what I seek.
   I want more of her smiles, more of her words, in a greedy disposition I just want more, oh how just looking at her makes my heart soar.
   I cannot explain it but I also don’t feel the need, oh what beauty that I have found, and now this voice is my favorite sound.

This Light That I Have Seen

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Why is my heart so distracted by her, why has my heart become so overwhelmed? Why does it feel as though I am feeling for the very first time? My soul grasps at a beauty that I do not understand. I see her spirit and it is light itself. My heart is overjoyed by the simplest of things, to hear from her at all each word fills my heart until it overflows. I feel pathetic and foolish because I can see that she is the most beautiful soul I have yet to encounter and yet I am too hesitant and too fearful to even reach out. She sets a fire within me that cannot be quelled. She has a soul that is hard to miss, it overtakes the room. I feel that I can truly see her soul, and I can’t help but want to know more. I can see in her the perfect love of God and I believe that is what has stopped me in my tracks. She is a true woman of God and I see in her more beauty then I thought possible to find. I am overjoyed by her existence, but too fearful to do anything but feel these things from afar. She has affected my very soul and it has become hard to keep the cries of my spirit quiet. My heart is shouting out at me but I am pushing my emotions aside. Without pursuing I can’t fail, but in not pursuing I feel as though I have failed myself. She seems to be an unreachable light, what am I to do, what path do I take? All I can do now is pray and listen for God’s voice. Is she someone I can reach, or is she just an inspiration to push me on, I do not know yet. What I do know is that I am deeply happy that I have met someone like her, a woman with such a spirit that my heart would be this deeply moved. I only hope that she knows she is beautiful, and that she knows that she is an astounding image of the love of God.

Fading Lights

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  I am awake and lost in thought, thinking about the way she smiles, thinking that I haven’t seen her in a while.
   What an inspiration she should be but i’m too afraid to let those emotions in, too afraid to let my heart win.
   I see her and she is shining brilliance, I swear I can see her soul, and its too beautiful for me to keep control.
   I’ve only spoken to her briefly, but I want to talk with her for hours on end, I wish I could get closer even just become a friend.
   I don’t see myself as worthy, i don’t see how I could deserve one such as her, but still the light in her eyes sets my heart a-stir.
   I’m lost in this light that shines brighter than anything else in the room, like a moth to a flame, this joy could be my doom.
  I miss her, my soul cries out for the connection it felt… it doesn’t seem right I barely know her, but even so my emotions can’t be helped.
   It is as if I see in her the reprieve to all the darkness I’ve known in this world, in her I see hope, I see beauty, I see an end to sorrow, in her I truly can see my tomorrow.
   Ive barely scratched the surface and I want to know more but instead I stay still, not making a move, because if I do I could lose this small joy I have that just seeing her face makes me feel like I have nothing to lose.
   What a foolish heart I have that I’ve become so enthralled by a girl, I  haven’t seen her in a while…yet she is the person I would want to hear from most in this world.

A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”

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   Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
   I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
   I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
   I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
   I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
   How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
   So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
   You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
   I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
   I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
   I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
   I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
   I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…

We, The Beloved Tools

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 Even the sparrows, are not forgotten… and some how I am worth more how can God love me, it must be such a chore.

   God is our master, and we are His tools we must stay maintained so His work can be done yet we let ourselves rust, for some simple fun.

   O God my soul does cry where is my value how is it so high?

   Then i realize that this body and soul do not belong to me, I belong to the Lord and in that I am set free.

   I need not worry, I need only keep faith God’s good works in me will always keep me safe.

   I am alive and I am well, I shout because my soul is on fire, my cup overflows because of a God who is higher.

   My God guides my pen, He surely guides each stroke, I could never write so beautifully if it wasn’t for what He invokes.

    My God is so good, I can never say that enough He is so awesome, I’m in awe, at a loss for words.

    Not having, the words, one would think that I would stop but, surely I will not.

   My words will come from God now instead of being my own, so take heart that they will preach the Gospel and help others to atone.

   My words are better than they’ve been in the past for they are not my own, that is why they will last.

   O what joy I find in the work of my Lord, what I pray for He gives better than what I asked, and in me…me His love is stored.

   O what a tool I can be if I examine and sharpen myself, I ask God for more opportunities to share what’s in that great book opon my shelf.

   O what a joy I have found in this Savior I know, that others would know Him is my hearts truest hope.

   I was made in that secret place to be better than what I am so, I improve each day seeking to be a better man.

   I pray with persistence that my God can be seen by all who need him, seven billion is a big number to feed.

   I come to God with loaf and fish He Multiplies and sends me to serve all in the world this very blessed dish.

   My God still saves, and performs miracles daily, we often don’t see them becsuse we refuse to look faithfully.

   This world is in need and we are the tools of the great carpenter so, lets build together with carefully placed words, like a philosopher.

   I seek today and tomorrow to do Gods work for whomever I meet is worth more than many sparrows so, I try to fly straight, straight like an arrow.

   I claim today to be Gods day to move, I intend to follow Him who loves me so deelpy, won’t you too?