Don’t need somebody to save me because I have already been saved, in looking inwards I’ve escaped the grave.
I am known by God and have the will to do what I must, I keep moving forward, my faith based in trust.
I trust that these times I face are only for this moment, I am strengthened by the pressing, strengthened by my atonement.
I atone for my past, for the times I was bitter, for the times I turned my back, for the times I’ve been a sinner.
For by God’s love I was born in sin, but by that love I am born again and again.
I have been made new for the thousandth time, there are no demons in my way that my God and I cannot slay.
I find power in myself that comes from Him, these years of pain were worth it for He is and has always been.
I am already saved, and still am saved more with each day, my God has proven good, so in His presence I will stay.
God
The World by Her Light
I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.
She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.
She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.
She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.
She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.
By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.
And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.
Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.
I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.
I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.
Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.
The Fires We Carry
A faint flickering flame that refuses to fade away, there is reason for it to burn, and so it will stay.
It burns because it matters not because it seeks to burn bright, instead it accepts itself as this…just a faint light.
Yet this light is enough, there is reason for it to be, because for one to have a light does not rest on reciprocity.
This flame it blazed and grew, but there is always a time to let a flame burn true.
A flame burns truest when you let it find its own pace, it was not meant to burn brightly, yet it still leaves a trace.
I carry the flame with me, I wouldn’t dare put it out, for the fire is somehow a reminder of what rain can do in a drought.
Duplicity, warmth, light, and something that only gives, this fire will burn on with me so long as I live.
Restoration in the Quiet
I know that words do not have the power that I wish they did, there is so much more, and in that life’s mysteries are hid.
I wish with just my words I could change what people see and feel, but that is not true life…that is not what’s real.
Because words often aren’t enough, I’ll act, I’ll pray, I’ll try to give out love.
For love is not only expressed in words, it’s the actions, the attitudes, the heart that is stirred.
Now my heart has been stirred, and words were once again not sufficient, but in myself I still find a passion that is relentless.
I have purpose and my words still hold power, they come from a greater source, and so they are worth a painful hour.
For when words are not enough my Lord still makes me whole, words were not enough, yet still He restores my soul.
Ceaseless in Nature
Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.
But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.
Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.
Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.
When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.
A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.
They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.
A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.
They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.
True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.
I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.
Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.
Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.
Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.
Trial by Lightning
My heart aches, so I must keep writing, in a world thats grown dark with storms I look to the lightning.
For lightning is fierce and destructive in nature but is also power instructed where to go by a savior.
So I look to the lightning to inspire my thoughts, lost in a storm but I am learning allot.
I’m learning once again what it’s like to feel this way, to see a woman, and see my heart turn to color when it was gray.
The lightning has struck and electrified my soul, in the distraction of the storm it was my heart that she stole.
But for once a theif in the night is a welcome sight.
I see her run with my heart in the glow of the lightning, and I welcome these feelings even though they’re frightening.
I don’t expect my feelings to be returned, yet still in this storm i can’t help but yearn.
Coated in the rain yet still I thirst, to know her more would be to lift my curse.
To escape from the storm and be inspired by the sun, all I need to do is catch up to her, and so I run.
I run by the lightning as it strikes by my steps, yet I still run faster for she is worth the loss of breath.
I fear nothing now for I know what I seek I step out of the storm into the sun, and she is now all that I see.
Peace Rebirth
I feel peace once again, as I begin to know who I am, I know where I’m going, and where I must stand.
I stand on a hilltop overlooking my life, I see possibility, a chance to try, a chance to thrive.
The possibility of peace as a continued pursuit, I feel it now my heart is let loose.
I’ve broken free of a terrible cage, freed once again by a gracious God, who was willing to take on my rage.
Through bitterness and anger, still I am set free, I sing of God’s goodness as it washes over me.
I return to Him now, I feel my faith grow, the power of His word, and is blessing bestowed.
This relationship I mend, so of course now I can write, I was lost without guidance, but now I can fight.
I fight for peace and joy to take over my life, the spirit covers me, I’ve opened my eyes.
This is the peace that I’ve sought for so long, what a joyous word, I didn’t know I could feel so strong.
Rest returns to me, motivation crashes in waves, my cup overflows, and so I step out from my cave.
My enemy and I…out in the open, yet I cannot be harmed for my God is risen.
Risen from death, as now so am I, my spirit is reborn in a peace that none could deny.
You Are Meant to Be a Hero
I haven’t been living life. I would like to of course blame this on quarantine putting everything that would normally keep me busy to a screeching halt. While blaming my lack of truly living on quarantine is somewhat of a fair concept it is in whole simply an excuse. This excuse like most excuses is worthless, using it does not return all of the time that I have wasted nor does it fix the utter boredom that has welled up within me as I have pretended that there is not still an entire world around me. What does fix this is determination, setting goals, making an effort, and overall just focusing on bettering myself as well as the life that I am living. My life has as of late been quite devoid of purpose, I have felt as though the days were simply creeping by completely out of my control. I do have control however, I have control over how I choose to live this life. Since I was a child I have loved escapism whether it be through a book, a video game, a movie, a show, or anything else. I have always sought to find escape into worlds that I can imagine myself in, in which I would find myself as a heroic more ideal version of myself. The fact is though that no matter how strong an imagination or fantasy I create, these pictures of my better self start and end within my brain. I am not doing what I must in order to actually become a better me and admitting that I can become this ideal version of myself outside of escaping into some fantasy world is hard to admit. This is hard to admit because it takes tremendous effort to become the person that you are truly meant to be. Most people spend their lives content with what they have refusing to challenge the waves of adversity before them until they slowly sink into mediocrity and pass away without ever truly facing the challenge of becoming their best self. I can not sit idly by and allow myself to become one of those people, I must force my feet onto the ground each day and make my way out into the world prepared to challenge my every thought and action until I am confident they are the works of a person that is truly willing to fight to be something more. I have a calling on my life to teach others what I can, to write every meaningful thought that comes to mind onto a page, to love people deeply and unapologetically, and to deliver the message of the Gospel to all who will hear it. If I do not see these things as being the main character of my own massive adventure of life then I am simply blind. I am not a character standing by simply listening and acting based off of the interactions of the people around me. I am my own person, the main character of an earth shaking story about to unfold. This passion is easy to lose because we live in a world that is practically made to make us complacent and content, but I will be challenging myself from this moment onward to remind myself each day that I am the protagonist and main character of my story and I am meant for more than just allowing time to pass me by. I will from this point make leaps and bounds instead of small safe steps. Radical true living and change is not possible by taking the safe and easy route, but instead by taking chances, being bold, and doing what must be done. I challenge myself and anyone else who reads this to think of themselves as the hero of their own story too, to believe that nobody else is going to change how you are living but you, and that you do not need to be a prisoner to your own mind nor your circumstances. This life is an open highway, so take a hold of the wheel and drive like you actually mean it. You will be helped along the way by friends, family, or God. This does not change the fact that the only way things are truly going to change for the better, the only way for you to become who you are really meant to be is for you to decide you want it for yourself and take action every day to make sure you do not stop believing in yourself and your ability to do great things. You the reader and myself as well are capable of doing world changing incredible feats, but the fist step is to believe. Believe what you might ask? You must believe that you are the main character of your story, you are the hero, you are capable of doing amazing things, and you must believe that there are no breaks in being the hero. Being the hero, your best self is a constant struggle that will consist of challenging yourself every minute of every day to do and be better than the moment before. I also believe that you must have God in your life to allow such radical change and to have the guidance necessary to achieve such earth changing feats. I believe that we are the hands and feet of God in this world on a mission to change it for the better, so we can not be complacent, if that type of duty does not scream that we are meant to be heroes than I do not know what will.
MATTHEW 28:18-20
Then Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
ISAIAH 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?
I said:
Here I am. Send me.
Return My Time
Once you realize how time goes by, once you realize that time fades away… you’ll wish that you didn’t have to leave the moment, you’ll wish that you could stay.
Once you realize that your youth stood still you will miss each moment and the way they made you feel.
You’ll miss each minute of your withering youth because each precious second felt like hours; but now a second is a second and anxiety makes it feel like you should cower.
Your time was once freedom without dictation of the hour, you lived by what you were doing not by what was next, and once you realize the taste feels sour.
Now that you are all grown up what will you do to take back your time? Can you steal back the seconds of the day, and pull off the perfect crime?
Once more can you realize what you must, seize the day, make time your servant and be not yourself a slave.
Time is within our grasp and is within our control, it can not overtake us, not if we give time to our soul.
Life gets busy and our soul goes unattended, so time moves fast and each moment feels as though it were lended.
I tell you that each moment has been lent not by time itself, but by a gracious God, we only have this one life and each minimal second must be caught.
Take back the seconds, the minutes, and the days believe in a God that has the ability to save.
Salvation has come for not just your soul, but for each and every second of your life, it is time to take back the controls.
There Was More Joy In My Life When I Was Depressed
There was more joy in my life when I was depressed. This thought came across my head today, and although it be sad, it is also true. When I was depressed I didn’t complain about the little things because there were bigger things that concerned me. When I was depressed I always looked for and saw the light, because I had to in order to survive. Most importantly the change that defines the difference between me now and when I was depressed is how much I relied on God. In every waking moment of my life I relied on and thought about God. God was a constant when I was depressed because I consistently felt like I needed Him, God was keeping me on my feet. I loved God deeply and was devoted to Him absolutely. So the question is, what now has changed? When I was depressed I had a constant reminder of what God was doing for me and of my absolute dependence on Him. On the other side of depression being freed from the chains that once held me down I have often found myself turning from God and trying to rely on other things, I forget God because I don’t feel like I consistently need Him. This is not to say that I do not still pray daily and read my Bible, but it is to say that I am not praying as fervently as I should nor reading my Bible as often as I should. It breaks my heart because most days I really do not know how to fix it. I sometimes as strange as it may sound miss the days of my depression, because in those days God was always my first thought and I never felt like He was not around. In many of my darkest moments I felt more of the holy spirit than I have ever felt in any other time. Now I often feels like the spirit is distant from me. Life has gotten so busy and while I take the time for many of my hobbies and simple things I do not find myself giving nearly enough time to God. I find my self most days lacking any passion at all, no inspiration to write, but when I was depressed poems flowed out of me at a constant rushing pace. In my depression there was so much to write, so many acts of God to be thankful for, and so many lights that had been revealed. Even though my depression died off, it feels like part of me died off with it that I am fighting so hard to regain. I am so far behind where I would like to be, because of the depression I am having to catch up. Lately I have become so lost in trying to catch up that I have forgotten to be thankful, joyful, and seek out the light that every day has to offer. This light that I keep speaking of is every moment in our life that stands out and puts a true smile on our face. The light in each day are those moments with your family that we should all cherish much more, the moments with friends where inside jokes are created, the moments where we stop to breathe and see the world that God has created, and the moments where we feel truly at peace. I have not felt much peace recently, but I have not necessarily felt turmoil either. There is a stillness inside of me that is causing me to grow lukewarm. I am neither committed to God nor abandoning Him. I have become almost completely still, and because of this I am almost completely devoid of joy. I have not been feeling joy because I have not been investing myself in things that would bring me joy. I have not been writing enough, reading enough, or praying enough. Most of my time with God has shifted into a task that I am good at completing rather than a moment of clarity that fills me with joy and peace. I have somehow forgotten about God while still keeping Him in my every day life. Even now God feels just out of reach, but I think this is for good reason. If I were to still feel God as I did before, I would not be so upset now, and I would not feel the need to make a change. I do not want my depression back, but I do want back the devotion I once had. It will not be as easy as things once were to be devoted and inspired. Life is busy now, and it is not easy, but all that means is that I will have to look harder for the light. I will seek God earnestly and remind myself daily that my devotion and commitment to God should be my foremost thought every day. It is true that I had more joy when I was depressed, but that was then and this is now. Each day is a new day, and with each day comes new joys to compile. Keeping joy within one’s life is a constant effort, and not an easy one at that. I am still going to be making the effort though, as hard as it may be. I will work until my joy returns stronger and better than before. I will not return to who I was, but i will become better, I will seek God in my every breath and I will do my best not to let myself forget Him anymore. I commit myself to not be still and not be lukewarm. I commit myself to finding true and constant joy, one outside of the depression that once dictated my life.
Tales of Dylan 