I know that words do not have the power that I wish they did, there is so much more, and in that life’s mysteries are hid.
I wish with just my words I could change what people see and feel, but that is not true life…that is not what’s real.
Because words often aren’t enough, I’ll act, I’ll pray, I’ll try to give out love.
For love is not only expressed in words, it’s the actions, the attitudes, the heart that is stirred.
Now my heart has been stirred, and words were once again not sufficient, but in myself I still find a passion that is relentless.
I have purpose and my words still hold power, they come from a greater source, and so they are worth a painful hour.
For when words are not enough my Lord still makes me whole, words were not enough, yet still He restores my soul.
Emotion
An Ending Well Met
Restoration and growth, I found in myself the ability to let go.
I said what I needed to and in that I found my peace, I escaped great loss and know now what it’s like to be free.
I’ve seen you for who you are and am able to let this pass I wish nothing but the best for you, and I know that feeling will last.
My soul restored, my ability to write still around, I accept in this moment a peaceful and comforting sound.
The sound of my inner voice resounds in my mind, I am enough, so to myself I will be kind.
I have found this peace through you and through God, one with myself accepting these feelings though they may be odd.
I am me and you are you, through simple clear communication I have come to know truth.
The fruit of my efforts did not grow what I had sought, but I still feel closure and that is saying allot.
An end to a beginning that was fruitful and great I accept this today, I accept our seperate fates.
If only I had met you at a diffrent time, yet maybe this was how we were meant to meet and that can be sublime.
Sublime, the perfect word to express the end… though of course In such a word I would always welcome something to start again.
Ceaseless in Nature
Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.
But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.
Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.
Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.
When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.
A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.
They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.
A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.
They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.
True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.
I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.
Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.
Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.
Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.
For She to be Free
It’s rare to find one’s self feeling in such a way, I want her, to speak to her, my heart has been swayed.
Yet in these feelings so random but so pure,I find myself moving beyond the allure.
For when I pray, I don’t pray for us to be together, I pray for your happiness, for whatever is better.
Better whether I can hold her or not,her smile my upmost concern beyond what I have sought.
Of course I seek her heart after the way she’s made me feel, but I recognize it’s damage and wish foremost for it to be healed.
To see her heart whole and to know her smile is true, I think I could move on even whilst knowing I’d be blue.
Yet so far I have not given up, I accept what may come, but until it is clear I will not say that I am done.
I want to pursue this, to show that we could be great, I just hope the expressions of my heart when spoken will not be too late.
I tread carefully though for I know this pursuit is fragile, it’s worth every second, it’s worth waiting for a while.
For while I wait I can still come to know her more, I can fall harder, and prepare myself for what life decides to have in store.
Whatever does happen I find my peace, I just hope she finds hers, I hope her heart can find its release.
Strength in Declaration
I said one last time, expecting the way I feel to just end, yet here I am sitting and writing again.
I don’t know what to say just like I don’t know what to feel, I am caught in a haze unsure of what is real.
You were real, and real you stay, yet here I am losing sight of you as I reach the end of a day.
You are more than these words, more than my attraction, yet I feel I fell short, less than myself, just a fraction.
A fraction of me cant be enough, you deserve more, you deserve someone with the capacity to love.
And I don’t know if I have it in me, I’m changing and growing, but still my heart is slowing.
I want it to beat fast for the you I have come to know, but all it can do is make me feel low.
My heart fails me as I’ve fallen once again, I’m so tired of falling, I just want this fall to end.
And yet I’m refused, my wishes will not come true because every time I see you it all starts anew.
Of course a day may come where you no longer cross my path, but I can’t believe that I would truly want that.
I want you in my path, to walk with you side by side, so I’ll do what I can now to attempt to meet your stride.
Recovering From Self
Fear and failure go hand in hand, I fear failing and so I never stand.
I sit idly by far too often with a heart that’s hardened but is trying to soften.
Inspiration alludes me as I sit here tonight, not sure what I’m feeling, so I’m not sure what to write.
Am I stable or just empty, I feel devoid of emotion, hollowed out, and soft spoken.
I can’t speak up because I don’t know what to say, my identity is changing, and I’m waiting for a new day.
Yet a new day doesn’t come, each is feeling the same as the last, I look to the future, but I am gripped by my past.
Will I last, will I make it through these times? Can I really change my whole outlook with a few simple rhymes?
Not sure how to stand, not sure how to speak, but I can write these words, and try to recover from being weak.
There Was More Joy In My Life When I Was Depressed
There was more joy in my life when I was depressed. This thought came across my head today, and although it be sad, it is also true. When I was depressed I didn’t complain about the little things because there were bigger things that concerned me. When I was depressed I always looked for and saw the light, because I had to in order to survive. Most importantly the change that defines the difference between me now and when I was depressed is how much I relied on God. In every waking moment of my life I relied on and thought about God. God was a constant when I was depressed because I consistently felt like I needed Him, God was keeping me on my feet. I loved God deeply and was devoted to Him absolutely. So the question is, what now has changed? When I was depressed I had a constant reminder of what God was doing for me and of my absolute dependence on Him. On the other side of depression being freed from the chains that once held me down I have often found myself turning from God and trying to rely on other things, I forget God because I don’t feel like I consistently need Him. This is not to say that I do not still pray daily and read my Bible, but it is to say that I am not praying as fervently as I should nor reading my Bible as often as I should. It breaks my heart because most days I really do not know how to fix it. I sometimes as strange as it may sound miss the days of my depression, because in those days God was always my first thought and I never felt like He was not around. In many of my darkest moments I felt more of the holy spirit than I have ever felt in any other time. Now I often feels like the spirit is distant from me. Life has gotten so busy and while I take the time for many of my hobbies and simple things I do not find myself giving nearly enough time to God. I find my self most days lacking any passion at all, no inspiration to write, but when I was depressed poems flowed out of me at a constant rushing pace. In my depression there was so much to write, so many acts of God to be thankful for, and so many lights that had been revealed. Even though my depression died off, it feels like part of me died off with it that I am fighting so hard to regain. I am so far behind where I would like to be, because of the depression I am having to catch up. Lately I have become so lost in trying to catch up that I have forgotten to be thankful, joyful, and seek out the light that every day has to offer. This light that I keep speaking of is every moment in our life that stands out and puts a true smile on our face. The light in each day are those moments with your family that we should all cherish much more, the moments with friends where inside jokes are created, the moments where we stop to breathe and see the world that God has created, and the moments where we feel truly at peace. I have not felt much peace recently, but I have not necessarily felt turmoil either. There is a stillness inside of me that is causing me to grow lukewarm. I am neither committed to God nor abandoning Him. I have become almost completely still, and because of this I am almost completely devoid of joy. I have not been feeling joy because I have not been investing myself in things that would bring me joy. I have not been writing enough, reading enough, or praying enough. Most of my time with God has shifted into a task that I am good at completing rather than a moment of clarity that fills me with joy and peace. I have somehow forgotten about God while still keeping Him in my every day life. Even now God feels just out of reach, but I think this is for good reason. If I were to still feel God as I did before, I would not be so upset now, and I would not feel the need to make a change. I do not want my depression back, but I do want back the devotion I once had. It will not be as easy as things once were to be devoted and inspired. Life is busy now, and it is not easy, but all that means is that I will have to look harder for the light. I will seek God earnestly and remind myself daily that my devotion and commitment to God should be my foremost thought every day. It is true that I had more joy when I was depressed, but that was then and this is now. Each day is a new day, and with each day comes new joys to compile. Keeping joy within one’s life is a constant effort, and not an easy one at that. I am still going to be making the effort though, as hard as it may be. I will work until my joy returns stronger and better than before. I will not return to who I was, but i will become better, I will seek God in my every breath and I will do my best not to let myself forget Him anymore. I commit myself to not be still and not be lukewarm. I commit myself to finding true and constant joy, one outside of the depression that once dictated my life.
Facing Our Worries
Early this Sunday morning im thinking about worries. Every day I feel anxious about something, worrying about the things ahead of me. The thing about worrying though is that each and every one of them is something that we cannot change. Usually this bad thing that may happen, if it does there is nothing we can do about it. This is where God comes in, we are told to cast our worries on Him.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22 NIV
Give it all to God today, do not be shaken, conquer every fear, and let God handle what you can’t. There are many things that we wont be able to change, but for those things God is our only option. I think this is pretty comforting, it makes the thought process pretty simple. Go through the steps and ask yourself, can you change it? If the answer is no give it to God. Now if we have given this worry to God then who are we to continue to worry about what the God of all creation will do with our situation? God has a purpose for all things, and if the worse should come to pass take confidence that He will use it for good. Focus on what is in front of you, not what is ahead.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIV
No worry is too small or too big, God will gladly handle your situation. It will be a challenge because you have to trust in God’s timing as well, but in the end it will always be well worth it. Remember in your struggle that God is constant and hears your prayers, but perfect timing doesnt happen right when you ask for it, it happens when the timing is perfect. When you look back on struggles in your past you will usually notice great blessings that only came because of what you went through. I was talking to a friend just recently about something bad that he had went through that made him feel like he had really been set back in life. We sat and looked at the situation though, if he hadn’t gone through that we wouldn’t have been so close, he wouldn’t have been as driven as he is now, and he may not have been as happy as he now is. The point is, sure he could have been further in life already, but he is catching up. He learned allot through that struggle, he will go forward in life stronger, more confidently, and wiser than before. New opportunities await him that may be greater than ones he would have had without that struggle. New opportunities await you as well, never focus on the sorrow that is, but instead on the joy that will be.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18 NIV
We have free will, that means that there are going to be mistakes, but oh what an all powerful God we serve that he moves the very earth around us to compensate for each one. Don’t question God’s plan, He will make happen what is supposed to happen, and eventually in His time you will find your joy. Worries are not worth our time, spend time in prayer and God will grant you comfort. Remember that it is out of your hands. We need to remember to let go, and humble ourselves. We do not need to control everything we face. Let your Father in Heaven handle the things that you can’t, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. Be comforted that while we are merely human the most powerful being that is has your situation in His hands, and nothing can stop the hands of God.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?
Isaiah 14:27 NIV
A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”
Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…
My Heart’s Eyes Opened
Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.
Tales of Dylan 