Dream

A Heart In Flame

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A stolen glance embedded with feelings unlikely to be returned, a simple joy to see her, so I allow the heart to yearn.

I start to see the little things, like I’m hanging on air, falling slowly is so sweet so I make an effort to not stare.

A harmless notion that I try not to give too much weight, yet her beauty has put me in an astounded state.

Lost in these little things, In each detail that I notice, she pulls the panic of life and takes it out of focus.

Suddenly the view shifts, everything has changed, I’ve forgotten myself, I’ve forgotten the pain.

Fearless as I face new colors in my life, a vibrant red overtakes the place I thought I’d left empty in my heart and head.

I speak now, through this poem that may never be read, but it is enough just to write it, my heart is still fed.

I find peace in this expression, In letting my heart loose I have found joy in this beauty, and so I choose.

I choose not to let my heart go wild, I choose to simply admire, and maybe still kindle this fire.

For a small flame can still grow if the conditions are right, I’ll tend to it for now Incase It ever grows bright.

The flame will flicker for the features that fill my heart, even if never fully expressed I’ll be thankful for the start.

The start of a new inspiration… a fire that grows, beautiful, or disastrous, only time truly knows.

Psalm 40

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My God, do not delay, In this hear my anguish, hear me cry out, hear me pray.

I pray for haste, for persistence, I pray for wisdom, and deliverance.

Deliver me from myself oh Lord, as my flesh pulls me toward the mire, do not let me sink my God, set my feet somewhere higher.

Do not let me be lost to the desires that would drown me in damnation, I can’t allow myself to be stagnant so I return as a prodigal for the celebration.

I beg and cry for you not to delay, yet it is all I’ve done when I hear what you say.

You set my path, you plant my feet, yet I seek the mud, and I’m left in defeat.

My anxieties consume me, my prayers feel distant and weak, I feel you calling me, but I feel lower than meak.

Lately I question as often as I draw breath, am I sure of who I am, do I even have anything left?

I’m not sure what you want because I can’t even imagine how I would be used, I’ve fallen away so often that everything is bruised.

Ive played the fool as life has worn me down, but I want to find joy, I’m so tired of feeling like I’ll drown.

I dont want to panic, I want to catch my breath, I want to be of service, I want to give everything i have left.

So take it all God, I give it freely, if i never eat again I’ll still thank you that Im breathing.

I want to wake each morning with a heart that knows you are great, when the world is crashing around me it is then that I understand my fate.

My fate has been simple all along, it is in His hands, and in that trust is where I belong.

More simple than I ever imagined, more peaceful than my past could believe, in total surrender I have my reprieve.

Who am I that you would think of me, your deeds good and without measure it is in your presence that I find this pleasure.

Pleased with this peace, you are my God, you did not delay, you heard me cry out, and in that same moment I was saved.

Finding Foundation

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I tread water, yet I have no control, I am washed in these waves that battle for my soul.

My situation is tenuous, perhaps even dire, I gasp for air, but I am growing tired.

Been in these waters for far too long, got used to going under, thinking maybe it made me strong.

But I have been weak, I became what I am not, lost myself in the waters forgetting why I ever fought.

So it is not enough now to simply come up for air, I can tread no longer for the waves have weight I must not bear.

I take a deep breath, I steel my nerves, I set my sights towards land and choose whom I will serve.

I reach solid ground, yet the waters still lap at my skin, I know it’s not enough, so I move further in.

In and away, away from the waves, and now looking back, they seem so much more like a grave.

I lived in death pretending it could sustain; now I grasp at life as I shed my pain.

Tears flow down as reality hits, I see solid rock, and this is where I sit.

I can still see the waves, so I look to the sky; it begins to rain, and once again, I am no longer dry.

Yet this rain is different than the waves that would be my tomb, I feel peace and warmth, I am completely consumed.

This time though, instead of grasping for survival; I sit on this rock ready for revival.

I am revived fully, washed in this rain, the waves no longer in sight, the fog clears my brain.

On a solid foundation, I see clearly; I have all that I need, and it is on this rock I am finally freed.

Freedom, a final thought for this piece, I am free, and yet I still release.

I release my desperate desire for control, I give it up freely, I give God my soul.

Yes, all along God was the rock, the waves my flesh, and so I take stock.

I take inventory now of the things I have learned, I let go of idols and allow a clean heart to yearn.

I yearn now for the One it always should have been, the Lord my God has freed me from my sin.

Never to be Known

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She will never know… never know how I’ve grown.

She will never see the effect she had on me.

She won’t read the lines I was lead to write. She won’t know they kept me up at night.

She won’t feel that passion I poured into these pages, but I still pray for her happiness to grow through the ages.

Another stepping stone of growth and learning, but this time, I’m not even left with the yearning.

This made sense. The pieces didn’t fit, so it’s bittersweet, but I’m not in a pit.

I’m still on a peak staring down at the valleys, I see the forest I’d lost myself in, and now I can rally.

I rally myself, I muster my spirit, I dive into my emotions and allow myself to feel it.

She may never know what these words mean for me to write, but even so, I am happy to bring them to light.

More words bleed out than what I knew I had left, and yet I feel steady. There is joy in each breath.

Words and Walls

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You say words can’t pierce through this wall? But what if I write words worthy of making Jericho fall?

Words divined by inspiration from the heavens, words that are overflowing with detailed expression.

I express the feelings that have lain deep and dormant down in my soul, I set them free rather than take control.

So, these are the words that flow from my heart to page, I write them so that I may set the stage.

I cast the parts and design the show, all for a vision of something that can grow.

The curtains come up, and the walls come down all is revealed to an audience that doesn’t make a sound.

On the soundless stage, something new takes place.

Amidst the rubble and dust, the protagonist plays their part, a performer of the heart.

The heart grows stronger and knows what it wants, and so these words can be more blunt.

Blunt and sudden with a booming bellowing voice, the show has started, and so the heart can make a choice.

Do words have the potential to pierce through walls and veils? Or is this another day that words could not prevail?

In one final petition I ask that the performer play their part well. With the world a stage, the heart can certainly leave its shell.

Divided Attention

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Can I see the forest for the trees? No, I am lost in the forest. It looks like the sea.

A sea of trees deep in the autumnal season, having lost all their leafs.

And through the bare branches, it is sun, shimmering on sap that sits and shines even when the day is done.

Because the night is not enough to take away this light.

The moon shines through the branches all the same, with starlight a fire flickers that does not burn, that does not maim.

Deep and unyielding, a sea of brown with flecks of silver and gold, the forest is alight, a story that is new yet old.

It is not that I see love in these trees. It is just that I am thankful that for a moment, they shined their light on me. 

Distant Dreams

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Distant memories haunt me today, ones I thought I had put away.

I let go, I moved forward, I felt peace that lasted; yet now my dreams take me, and they don’t take me past it.

Instead, I am taken to the past, to a time when my dreams were more vivid, consumed by you once more, and so I must live it.

I live in that dream, the one that I don’t want to be defining, yet you’re here again… in my writing.

I write you away as I’ve done once before, the dream fades, and my heart no longer sways.

I let go again, and hope that better times are on their way, I let myself dream, but this time of better days.

Self Accommodation

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I finally find love where it always should have been, for myself, within myself, and all it took was for my heart to break and bend.

It bent to a place I would think is beyond repair, yet here I am lined with gold, overcoming all I’ve had to bare.

So I find this love, one that alluded me for so long, I make it mine, I let it make me strong.

I let this love blossom and bloom, within me is a new heart, one with space for me, one that has room.

I have room for others but I finally first and foremost accommodated myself, and in this I find a peace like nothing else.

The World by Her Light

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I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.

She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.

She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.

She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.

She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.

By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.

And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.

Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.

I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.

I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.

Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.

Restoration in the Quiet

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I know that words do not have the power that I wish they did, there is so much more, and in that life’s mysteries are hid.

I wish with just my words I could change what people see and feel, but that is not true life…that is not what’s real.

Because words often aren’t enough, I’ll act, I’ll pray, I’ll try to give out love.

For love is not only expressed in words, it’s the actions, the attitudes, the heart that is stirred.

Now my heart has been stirred, and words were once again not sufficient, but in myself I still find a passion that is relentless.

I have purpose and my words still hold power, they come from a greater source, and so they are worth a painful hour.

For when words are not enough my Lord still makes me whole, words were not enough, yet still He restores my soul.