Fear and failure go hand in hand, I fear failing and so I never stand.
I sit idly by far too often with a heart that’s hardened but is trying to soften.
Inspiration alludes me as I sit here tonight, not sure what I’m feeling, so I’m not sure what to write.
Am I stable or just empty, I feel devoid of emotion, hollowed out, and soft spoken.
I can’t speak up because I don’t know what to say, my identity is changing, and I’m waiting for a new day.
Yet a new day doesn’t come, each is feeling the same as the last, I look to the future, but I am gripped by my past.
Will I last, will I make it through these times? Can I really change my whole outlook with a few simple rhymes?
Not sure how to stand, not sure how to speak, but I can write these words, and try to recover from being weak.
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The Reason for Repetition
A repeating story that I no longer want to hear, and yet it forces it’s way past my defenses, booming in my ears.
I see you clear as the day, though I cant speak the words that I truly want to say.
These words will be trapped and soon this too shall pass, and yet I didn’t want to let this one go; you reached into me… set a fire within my soul.
You set me ablaze and reminded me of the beauty this world has to give, It is partially because of you that I once again live.
I see what you’ve given me and try to just be thankful for what this has been, but I cant help wanting more, can’t help wanting to be let in.
I want to be let in to your life, to truly know you beyond just what I can write.
Because I can explain the you that I see with all the words I know, but it isn’t enough, I need to know how and why you glow.
You glow with a light that has brought color back into my days, I can’t help but smile when I have the opportunity to meet your gaze.
I have tried to meet it as often as I can, for I know it is fleeting, and soon I am unlikely to meet that gaze again.
Because soon you will leave without me ever having tried, and I cant help mourning the inspiration that will have died.
You have done for my words what none have been able to before, you’ve affected me, and changed me, changed me at my core.
So of course I want more, of course this ballad repeats, I want to be closer to the fire that is you, I want to be warmed by your heat.
The Distance in the Stars
Why are these feelings permitted to well up inside, when did I allow this, why can’t I just hide.
Why does it chase me, why must I feel like this, hopelessly enamored, unprepared for the end to this bliss.
Our connection fades as I’ve just begun to fall, why is it you, and why is my attraction not my call.
I’ve fallen, I’m hopeless, completely caught up in your presence, you awoke a fire inside me where once my inspiration was deadened.
I had reached a place where I no longer knew if I could write, and yet you restored me, blind but given sight.
And what a feeling it is to once again see, for to take you in is everything to me.
So much to say with so little space on a page, to say who you are I could sit and write for days.
And yet I know I’ve only begun to explore, I see you at your surface, but I yearn to know more.
I thirst in a drought to know who you truly are, stuck on earth looking at the twinkle of a blazing star.
The fire you create, the warmth you exude, you are the sun of my galaxy and I am hopeless in my orbit of you.
Peaceful Yet Powerful
Of course mornings are dreary when all my nights are long… and yet I’m awakened by your sweet song.
Awake, yet at peace, the duality of having dreams when my eyes are wide, I feel the warmth only you create growing with great stride.
And of course your warmth would stride and sprint, for you move with the wind.
You are steady, you are gentle, and yet you are so much more; you have the power to destroy and yet instead you restore.
You are quiet, yet your whisper is strong, if only its peace could reach me when my nights become so long.
I am restless and weary, and yet still I write; for though peace is what you breathe, it is a peace that allows me to fight.
Sea Foam Sentiments
I feel it, the sea taking me in, a new ocean full of life, I float just on the surface where you begin.
You are the beginning of a world completely unknown, the flower that grows even in the midst of stone.
Your soul it speaks, and has so much to show, I get lost in your voice as I watch you glow.
I feel you are far more magnificent and fierce than you will ever feel, and yet I’ll try to express it, and hope that your view will yield.
For what I hope is that you will see yourself in truest light, sea foam, flowers, the beauty of life.
A field of multicolored lilies surrounded by the crashing sea, a sight that’s not quite real yet it is what I see.
Through colors, through nature, I find you hard to describe, yet what I find most important is that you’re a reason for me to write.
The Days Are Made of Mountains
Today feels like a haze and I don’t know why, I’m pushing, I’m fighting, and I won’t cease to try.
Yet today I feel slow, today I feel like I’m letting go.
My goals are meaningful but today I’m losing hope, I’ve been coming out of the valley, but it is such a steep slope.
I climb and I climb, but my hands are slipping, my feet lose their hold and so I’m gripping.
Grabbing hold for dear life, that fact that life is more dear should certainly suffice.
For there once was a time that life didn’t have worth, I couldn’t see the why, I couldn’t see the possibility for rebirth.
And yet here I stand atop a ledge reaching for that one hand.
The hand of He who has always been by my side, carried me when I fell, comforted me when I cried.
My tears they had purpose, so did my sweat and blood; I fight this fight no matter how deep I sink into the mud.
I am here, I am alive, and so I blow away the haze; I strive for good reason, I will reach better days.
My Eyes in the Storm
Now the floodgates are open, I’ve been made anew, I write once again, I’ve finally made it through.
The walls are broken down, my emotions crash in waves, I feel every ounce of the water as it covers my old self’s grave.
For I have died and been reborn, a Phoenix rising in the middle of a storm.
The rain is torrential, the downpour is heavy the wind and the rain come, but I stand steady.
I find myself standing firm atop these waves, my feet held up by the name Yahweh
Solid ground in the middle of an ocean, I am making progress now and have to believe that I have been chosen.
Chosen for something great, too spread a great name, chosen for this and so my pen takes my pain.
The pain is transformed into passion and power, I know now who I serve and so this is my hour.
A moment of fate, a moment of grace, I stand in this chaos and look only upon His face.
She Smiles With The Seasons
A breeze in the summer, under the shade of a tree…she is beauty, she is peace,
A calm that transcends panic, she is vibrant and electric.
A current that flows through every single bone, she is the tranquility that comes with a seldom seen snow.
She is new life and warmth, like the beginning of spring; she is bright and beautiful like the sun without its sting.
As said before, she is like the autumn leaves, many vibrant colors… magnificent and unique.
She is all of the seasons, and you can see them in her smile, a bouquet of every flower, unchanging yet versatile.
Let it Go With The Rain
Sorrow and set back… today my words may not succeed, but I guess we can only find out as I create more words for you to read.
Words don’t feel enough to fix the things I feel, I step out of myself, I am no longer real.
Lost to the void that consumes all reasoning, my lungs devoid of air no ability to speak or sing.
And so I write as there is no other way for my words to arise, I sharpen them as a sword cutting down the lies.
The lies that are spoken are all within my own head, I create a path for myself, it is here that I tread.
Though I do not tread lightly, I let each step be heard, louder and louder until it’s a drum beat that sounds of a herd.
My heart it beats with the sound of many hooves, I am here, I am alive, my words have done all they could.
And so I take control, I grip onto my own pain, I feel peace and truth take over washing me clean in the rain.
There Was More Joy In My Life When I Was Depressed
There was more joy in my life when I was depressed. This thought came across my head today, and although it be sad, it is also true. When I was depressed I didn’t complain about the little things because there were bigger things that concerned me. When I was depressed I always looked for and saw the light, because I had to in order to survive. Most importantly the change that defines the difference between me now and when I was depressed is how much I relied on God. In every waking moment of my life I relied on and thought about God. God was a constant when I was depressed because I consistently felt like I needed Him, God was keeping me on my feet. I loved God deeply and was devoted to Him absolutely. So the question is, what now has changed? When I was depressed I had a constant reminder of what God was doing for me and of my absolute dependence on Him. On the other side of depression being freed from the chains that once held me down I have often found myself turning from God and trying to rely on other things, I forget God because I don’t feel like I consistently need Him. This is not to say that I do not still pray daily and read my Bible, but it is to say that I am not praying as fervently as I should nor reading my Bible as often as I should. It breaks my heart because most days I really do not know how to fix it. I sometimes as strange as it may sound miss the days of my depression, because in those days God was always my first thought and I never felt like He was not around. In many of my darkest moments I felt more of the holy spirit than I have ever felt in any other time. Now I often feels like the spirit is distant from me. Life has gotten so busy and while I take the time for many of my hobbies and simple things I do not find myself giving nearly enough time to God. I find my self most days lacking any passion at all, no inspiration to write, but when I was depressed poems flowed out of me at a constant rushing pace. In my depression there was so much to write, so many acts of God to be thankful for, and so many lights that had been revealed. Even though my depression died off, it feels like part of me died off with it that I am fighting so hard to regain. I am so far behind where I would like to be, because of the depression I am having to catch up. Lately I have become so lost in trying to catch up that I have forgotten to be thankful, joyful, and seek out the light that every day has to offer. This light that I keep speaking of is every moment in our life that stands out and puts a true smile on our face. The light in each day are those moments with your family that we should all cherish much more, the moments with friends where inside jokes are created, the moments where we stop to breathe and see the world that God has created, and the moments where we feel truly at peace. I have not felt much peace recently, but I have not necessarily felt turmoil either. There is a stillness inside of me that is causing me to grow lukewarm. I am neither committed to God nor abandoning Him. I have become almost completely still, and because of this I am almost completely devoid of joy. I have not been feeling joy because I have not been investing myself in things that would bring me joy. I have not been writing enough, reading enough, or praying enough. Most of my time with God has shifted into a task that I am good at completing rather than a moment of clarity that fills me with joy and peace. I have somehow forgotten about God while still keeping Him in my every day life. Even now God feels just out of reach, but I think this is for good reason. If I were to still feel God as I did before, I would not be so upset now, and I would not feel the need to make a change. I do not want my depression back, but I do want back the devotion I once had. It will not be as easy as things once were to be devoted and inspired. Life is busy now, and it is not easy, but all that means is that I will have to look harder for the light. I will seek God earnestly and remind myself daily that my devotion and commitment to God should be my foremost thought every day. It is true that I had more joy when I was depressed, but that was then and this is now. Each day is a new day, and with each day comes new joys to compile. Keeping joy within one’s life is a constant effort, and not an easy one at that. I am still going to be making the effort though, as hard as it may be. I will work until my joy returns stronger and better than before. I will not return to who I was, but i will become better, I will seek God in my every breath and I will do my best not to let myself forget Him anymore. I commit myself to not be still and not be lukewarm. I commit myself to finding true and constant joy, one outside of the depression that once dictated my life.
Tales of Dylan 