Awake

An Ending Well Met

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Restoration and growth, I found in myself the ability to let go.

I said what I needed to and in that I found my peace, I escaped great loss and know now what it’s like to be free.

I’ve seen you for who you are and am able to let this pass I wish nothing but the best for you, and I know that feeling will last.

My soul restored, my ability to write still around, I accept in this moment a peaceful and comforting sound.

The sound of my inner voice resounds in my mind, I am enough, so to myself I will be kind.

I have found this peace through you and through God, one with myself accepting these feelings though they may be odd.

I am me and you are you, through simple clear communication I have come to know truth.

The fruit of my efforts did not grow what I had sought, but I still feel closure and that is saying allot.

An end to a beginning that was fruitful and great I accept this today, I accept our seperate fates.

If only I had met you at a diffrent time, yet maybe this was how we were meant to meet and that can be sublime.

Sublime, the perfect word to express the end… though of course In such a word I would always welcome something to start again.

Ceaseless in Nature

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Every day since I’ve begun to write of the tremendous impact you’ve had on my life, I’ve wanted to go into detail on just your eyes.

But the words would not come, for there was too much to say, yet now the words are flowing and crashing like waves.

Just like the waves in you eyes, a seafoam forest speckled by sparkling lights.

Your eyes hold a galaxy fully unknown, yet I am here exploring, trying to know.

When my eyes meet yours my senses are set on fire, the way they shine I’m lost in desire.

A desire to know every emotion they hold, I see something more about to unfold.

They hold your emotion and create emotion in me, they are new life and growth, they are a seed.

A seed to start new, a seed to start again, I watch as it grows out never wanting the experience to end.

They are beauty and peace, yet they are a fiery sea, they ignite as do you, and so I know that those fiery eyes are true.

True in the sense that they create more than they destroy, in the midst of deep sorrow, they are my joy.

I am encompassed by them, sinking in their sea, I am enveloped, surrounded, by an ocean made of trees.

Trees that hold so much color though only one is usually seen, they hold every hue, the brightest and darkest of green.

Yet they are usually so bright, a sunrise sky that covers me, no more clouded vision, I am given sight.

Open skies, galaxies, and trees, I knew this would take many words and though I will, I still do not wish to cease.

Facing Two Futures

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Just because I wish to be with you does not mean It will be so, I have to be prepared for the pain of letting go.

I want you to find joy, and that may not include me, so I decloud my vision once more and force myself to see.

I look to a future where I know you no more, it hurts me at my depths reaches and cracks my core.

Yet I still want most to see you find your peace, to see you find freedom to see you be released.

You’ve had so much pain, so much strife and struggle, my feelings grow for you but still they are muddled.

My feelings are murky because I know what I want, I want to grow close, but I may be the wrong dose.

Only you can decide the medecine you need, so I have to be prepared if it’s a medecine that I can’t be.

For I know I’m not perfect, we are diffrent in many ways, and yet the more I know the more I feel we are quite the same.

I feel like we fit like a two piece puzzle, but whether that is really true is up to you and that is my struggle.

A struggle worth facing, and so I wil write, to calm my heart, and stop it from racing.

For though it races for you it may not be my place, I hope that it is, but if not that is something that I can and will face.

Trial by Lightning

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My heart aches, so I must keep writing, in a world thats grown dark with storms I look to the lightning.

For lightning is fierce and destructive in nature but is also power instructed where to go by a savior.

So I look to the lightning to inspire my thoughts, lost in a storm but I am learning allot.

I’m learning once again what it’s like to feel this way, to see a woman, and see my heart turn to color when it was gray.

The lightning has struck and electrified my soul, in the distraction of the storm it was my heart that she stole.

But for once a theif in the night is a welcome sight.

I see her run with my heart in the glow of the lightning, and I welcome these feelings even though they’re frightening.

I don’t expect my feelings to be returned, yet still in this storm i can’t help but yearn.

Coated in the rain yet still I thirst, to know her more would be to lift my curse.

To escape from the storm and be inspired by the sun, all I need to do is catch up to her, and so I run.

I run by the lightning as it strikes by my steps, yet I still run faster for she is worth the loss of breath.

I fear nothing now for I know what I seek I step out of the storm into the sun, and she is now all that I see.

Strength in Declaration

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I said one last time, expecting the way I feel to just end, yet here I am sitting and writing again.

I don’t know what to say just like I don’t know what to feel, I am caught in a haze unsure of what is real.

You were real, and real you stay, yet here I am losing sight of you as I reach the end of a day.

You are more than these words, more than my attraction, yet I feel I fell short, less than myself, just a fraction.

A fraction of me cant be enough, you deserve more, you deserve someone with the capacity to love.

And I don’t know if I have it in me, I’m changing and growing, but still my heart is slowing.

I want it to beat fast for the you I have come to know, but all it can do is make me feel low.

My heart fails me as I’ve fallen once again, I’m so tired of falling, I just want this fall to end.

And yet I’m refused, my wishes will not come true because every time I see you it all starts anew.

Of course a day may come where you no longer cross my path, but I can’t believe that I would truly want that.

I want you in my path, to walk with you side by side, so I’ll do what I can now to attempt to meet your stride.

Recovering From Self

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Fear and failure go hand in hand, I fear failing and so I never stand.

I sit idly by far too often with a heart that’s hardened but is trying to soften.

Inspiration alludes me as I sit here tonight, not sure what I’m feeling, so I’m not sure what to write.

Am I stable or just empty, I feel devoid of emotion, hollowed out, and soft spoken.

I can’t speak up because I don’t know what to say, my identity is changing, and I’m waiting for a new day.

Yet a new day doesn’t come, each is feeling the same as the last, I look to the future, but I am gripped by my past.

Will I last, will I make it through these times? Can I really change my whole outlook with a few simple rhymes?

Not sure how to stand, not sure how to speak, but I can write these words, and try to recover from being weak.

Facing Our Worries

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Early this Sunday morning im thinking about worries. Every day I feel anxious about something, worrying about the things ahead of me. The thing about worrying though is that each and every one of them is something that we cannot change. Usually this bad thing that may happen, if it does there is nothing we can do about it. This is where God comes in, we are told to cast our worries on Him.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22 NIV

Give it all to God today, do not be shaken, conquer every fear, and let God handle what you can’t. There are many things that we wont be able to change, but for those things God is our only option. I think this is pretty comforting, it makes the thought process pretty simple. Go through the steps and ask yourself, can you change it? If the answer is no give it to God. Now if we have given this worry to God then who are we to continue to worry about what the God of all creation will do with our situation? God has a purpose for all things, and if the worse should come to pass take confidence that He will use it for good. Focus on what is in front of you, not what is ahead.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIV

No worry is too small or too big, God will gladly handle your situation. It will be a challenge because you have to trust in God’s timing as well, but in the end it will always be well worth it. Remember in your struggle that God is constant and hears your prayers, but perfect timing doesnt happen right when you ask for it, it happens when the timing is perfect. When you look back on struggles in your past you will usually notice great blessings that only came because of what you went through. I was talking to a friend just recently about something bad that he had went through that made him feel like he had really been set back in life. We sat and looked at the situation though, if he hadn’t gone through that we wouldn’t have been so close, he wouldn’t have been as driven as he is now, and he may not have been as happy as he now is. The point is, sure he could have been further in life already, but he is catching up. He learned allot through that struggle, he will go forward in life stronger, more confidently, and wiser than before. New opportunities await him that may be greater than ones he would have had without that struggle. New opportunities await you as well, never focus on the sorrow that is, but instead on the joy that will be.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18 NIV

We have free will, that means that there are going to be mistakes, but oh what an all powerful God we serve that he moves the very earth around us to compensate for each one. Don’t question God’s plan, He will make happen what is supposed to happen, and eventually in His time you will find your joy. Worries are not worth our time, spend time in prayer and God will grant you comfort. Remember that it is out of your hands. We need to remember to let go, and humble ourselves. We do not need to control everything we face. Let your Father in Heaven handle the things that you can’t, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. Be comforted that while we are merely human the most powerful being that is has your situation in His hands, and nothing can stop the hands of God.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 NIV

For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?
Isaiah 14:27 NIV

A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”

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   Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
   I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
   I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
   I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
   I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
   How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
   So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
   You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
   I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
   I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
   I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
   I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
   I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…

My Heart’s Eyes Opened

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Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.

Today

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Today my car is broken down, its completley un-drivable. Today I want to be stressed out, I want to worry about the money, the future, and what ill have to do tomorrow. Today I am trying to figure out Gods plan for me and trying to think that I may have screwed it up. Today I was down in the dumps. Today I was afraid. Today I was anxious. Today I felt like I would be consumed by negativity, but today God has my life in His hands. Today I’m living a life in which I have been completley delivered from my depression, today I am free from the very grips of death, today I am free from the mind that wanted me dead, today I am free, today I am alive, today I shout this battle cry at the top of my lungs. I have no worries I cast it all on Him, my Lord on high. Yahweh, my own personal savior is waking with me today. So in conclusion today, it is well with my soul.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIV

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?
Matthew 6:27 NIV