Distant Dreams

Distant memories haunt me today, ones I thought I had put away.

I let go, I moved forward, I felt peace that lasted; yet now my dreams take me, and they don’t take me past it.

Instead, I am taken to the past, to a time when my dreams were more vivid, consumed by you once more, and so I must live it.

I live in that dream, the one that I don’t want to be defining, yet you’re here again… in my writing.

I write you away as I’ve done once before, the dream fades, and my heart no longer sways.

I let go again, and hope that better times are on their way, I let myself dream, but this time of better days.

We are all boulders sitting in the bed of an ever flowing river barley moving as we watch the waters of life pass us by. The people and moments in our life move with the water, slowly ever so slightly eroding pieces of us. These pieces of us, we often don’t notice until they’re already gone. We often try to get our pieces back but we never really can. We can accept, however that in rare beautiful instances a person or a moment rather than take away will become one with us. So we are all a boulder sitting in a river slowly withering away, but we are also conglomerate masses of the people and things that made us who we are. It will often feel like your rock is an island in the river of life where nobody passes you by. We know in contrast that no man is an island, we become a piece of others and some become a piece of us. So, when you feel like you’re falling apart,know that you may be growing just as much, and know that you’re never truly alone. We are shaped by life, and sometimes that feels difficult and terrible to take. Each moment is worth it even through the pain, this life is an opportunity to be shaped into who we are meant to be; but moreover it is an opportunity to help shape others for the better. When the river is rough, your edges feel blunt, and you feel like you’ve been left alone beneath the waves; remember that God made this river and he also made you. The river can be rough, that’s the weight of this life, but it flows into eternity, and there we can all thrive. Here in the river before you make it to the end remember the affect you have on others, help them to seek a better end. Because we all flow into eternity, but the river splits into two paths, only one is good, but both are everlasting.

The Meaning is Life

Life is not miserable, life in itself has deep and impactful worth. For too long I have allowed cynicism to slowly creep up around and overtake me, but once again I am given light from an unlikely place. I look to a fantasy book and I hear a message I’ve needed without knowing it. I had convinced myself that because this world feels so unredeemable, life feels so pitiless, and pain after pain follow my family and I that life had no worth beyond just making it faithfully to the end. I tucked my head in and was not depressed but I was not alive either! I died to myself and chose willingly to walk a path that was shallow and pointless saying that if I ignore the pain or injustice then I won’t have to feel it. And yet I have felt it these pains are all too real, they persist, but they are worth it. So, from two of the most unlikely places, I contrive for myself and ideally for others a meaning for these lives that we lead.


The first place from which I take this inspiration is from “Attack on Titan” from the speech by Erwin he states, “We all die. But does that mean our lives are meaningless? Does that mean that there was no point in our being born? Would you say that of our slain comrades? What about their lives? Were they meaningless?… They were not! Their memory serves as an example to us all! The courageous fallen! The anguished fallen! Their lives have meaning because we the living refuse to forget them! And as we ride to certain death, we trust our successors to do the same for us! Because my soldiers do not buckle or yield when faced with the cruelty of this world! My soldiers push forward! My soldiers scream out! My soldier’s Rage!”. Each of these lines hold great value to the points I aim to make about life and why we live it even in spite of the suffering, pain, and difficulty we face. “Their lives have meaning because we the living refuse to forget them”, Not only do our own lives have meaning because of the hearts we live on in even in death but the impact our each and every choice is able to make on others means that all lives have meaning and hold weight. “My soldiers do not buckle or yield when faced with the cruelty of this world!”, I consider myself a servant of Christ, and would hope that this statement would be able to be said for my service to God. And so, though the cruelty of this world feels insurmountable I stand, I do not buckle, I do not yield, even more so I live!


And yet one might ask what is the purpose of this path if it is filled with pain, what difference is the life you live if we all end in death the same as those before us. Of course, I believe in life after death but that does not give me an excuse to hurry it along nor does it make this life not worth living. The source that truly made me realize this was I feel just as unlikely “The Way of Kings” by Brandon Sanderson. Throughout this book a guiding mantra is set out that nagged at me until at the end of the book it fully set in and took hold of me causing me to write these feelings out. The quote is as follows. “Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.”. These words along with the surrounding text made me come to realize that the path itself is what I should aspire to live. In conjunction with the quotes from “Attack on Titan” I come to this point, we all die, rich, poor, beautiful, pitiful, loved, or lost in sorrow. We all die, but I would argue that almost certainly we do not all live. So, how do we live? We live by guiding principles, we do not focus on the death or the end we put life before death, strength before weakness, and journey before destination. Because we can not focus on the destination before us without fist focusing on how we get there. I believe that I aim to one day stand before God and have Him tell me “Well done my good and faithful servant, you have run your race well”, or at least something along those lines. And Yet I do not know if I have even reached the starting line of the race I am meant to run. I have stumbled, I have fallen, I have tripped over my own two feet time and time again. Even still God places inspiration in my path to show me the way no matter where I am.


So, I ask of any who would read this these things. Do you see your journey for what it is, do you understand that you have purpose, do you see your value, do you believe your journey is worth taking on. If you do not, I challenge you to reevaluate see your life for something more be strong before you are weak, but your journey before the destination, but most importantly put your life before your death. We are not just on a path to die, we wake each day to add value to all those around us, not just those we love. I challenge you to see that value in yourself, believe it to be real and strive to put better into the world. Each day is new and we have a chance for both self-betterment and to better the world around us. Life is difficult, sometimes it feels unbearable, but I promise with all that I am that it is worth baring, and that someone does care for you. I believe certainly that God cares for you but if that is not enough for you yet know that I do as well, even if I do not know you, I do. All human life is priceless. And yet something even more priceless was traded for us. The pain and love of my God was placed upon a cross and for me that makes my path clear. No matter the burden I put the destination far from my mind, I focus on my path, I do not see death in my future, for now I only see the life that I lead. I do not buckle, I do not yield, death has no grip on me, and so through finally truly living I am free.

Self Accommodation

I finally find love where it always should have been, for myself, within myself, and all it took was for my heart to break and bend.

It bent to a place I would think is beyond repair, yet here I am lined with gold, overcoming all I’ve had to bare.

So I find this love, one that alluded me for so long, I make it mine, I let it make me strong.

I let this love blossom and bloom, within me is a new heart, one with space for me, one that has room.

I have room for others but I finally first and foremost accommodated myself, and in this I find a peace like nothing else.

Inspiration Strikes

This world is no longer meant for people who write, there’s no time to put pen to page when inspiration strikes.

Inspiration doesn’t take priority, it isn’t even on the list, we are busier then we’ve ever been, and there’s so much that we’ve missed.

So many words gone that could have brought beauty to all those who would read, but we had to go to work had to kill that seed.

So many seeds that will never grow because inspiration strikes like lightning, yet we run from it, we stay busy, and to me that’s frightening.

Why don’t we pay more heed to the beating of our heart, the expression of our soul, or a new days start.

Because each day is new and there are new words to share, yet instead we stay busy and forget to ever care.

We forget to care about beauty, love, and life, we go through the motions and push through our strife.

But today I stop, I give time to my words, they are precious and meaningful; they are meant to be heard.

So I take time today, I carve it out with a knife, my words will bleed out onto this page to prove that I’m alive.

Within the Waters

It’s all gone I’ve seen the last drop, the inspiration that flowed like a river has dried up and so it must come to a stop.

I write no more, at least not with you in mind yet still you helped forge me, I’ve been refined.

I am new, my heart is free, and so I write in regards to me.

I’ve taken a step forward into my own life, away from the need for someone else I can be my own light.

Yet still my strength comes from more than just me, I let God sustain me, so I move with the sea.

The river dried up but the sea is boundless I am within it so my opportunities are countless.

So I count it all up, everything I’ve gained, new life, new inspiration, new me, but with all the best old pieces still retained.

So I move with the sea I make it my own, I follow this path, and become comfortable with the idea of taking it on alone.

I didn’t need the river but I’m thankful for the path it made; I followed it to the ocean and it helped me out my grave.

So thanks to the river but I bid it Farewell, with the crashing of the waves, how will I be diffrent, only time can tell.

Heavy Hearted

How can I be comfortable carrying the weight of this heart of mine, how do I carry it each day, how do I face time.

Time adds weight because my heart only grows, so much to give with nowhere for it to go.

Yet there are places for my heart to give, people to reach, a new way to live.

To fulfill myself is to live my life through love, I will give myself with every life I touch.

Myself is enough so I give it freely, self sacrifice is my gift so I’ll give it daily.

Love is beautiful because of everywhere it can apply, it does not require romance and it fights through all lies.

The lies of this world are easy to breach if you’re comfortable with a heavy heart, and you’re willing to seek.

A heavy heart is not a curse, for its weight has meaning, and through that weight you find your being.

My heart tells its story, the story of its weight, it is heavy, but it is strong, that is its fate.

Affixed Vision

Don’t need somebody to save me because I have already been saved, in looking inwards I’ve escaped the grave.

I am known by God and have the will to do what I must, I keep moving forward, my faith based in trust.

I trust that these times I face are only for this moment, I am strengthened by the pressing, strengthened by my atonement.

I atone for my past, for the times I was bitter, for the times I turned my back, for the times I’ve been a sinner.

For by God’s love I was born in sin, but by that love I am born again and again.

I have been made new for the thousandth time, there are no demons in my way that my God and I cannot slay.

I find power in myself that comes from Him, these years of pain were worth it for He is and has always been.

I am already saved, and still am saved more with each day, my God has proven good, so in His presence I will stay.

Pens and Pain

It’s going to hurt a little, but that just means that what you feel is real, so ready yourself, become sturdy like steel.

The words that will come will be tied with a little pain, but there’s a reason they’re coming out, a reason they shouldn’t just stay in your brain.

You bleed with your words, you cry, you shout, this just means you’re alive, so try to stand stout.

Words can heal, and change perspective, they will always be worth writing even if they don’t achieve your intended objective.

Words hold power of life and death, so use them to love and don’t worry about the rest.

The pen uses blood more than it uses ink, so keep yourself healthy, and don’t be afraid to think.

So think with your heart and feel with your mind, if that doesn’t make sense then just give it time.

There is so much beauty in this life and it’s all worth expressing, even if it hurts, because those are life’s most beautiful and imactful lessons.

The World by Her Light

I just love to watch as she meets with the world, head on, head strong, filling each life with song.

She is a force of joy, a beautiful soul, she needn’t be told, she knows her roll.

She looks for the pieces she knows she must find, not afraid to move forward, she won’t look behind.

She is more fearless then I’m sure she knows, she takes on life and in doing so she glows.

She glows like a beaming light, she fills every room she enters, and it’s really quite the sight.

By her light people are healed and feel loved, I saw God use her, a sign from above.

And yet though she serves God’s purpose I was just a step along her path, just a stop, just the surface.

Because her life will go so much further than here, I see this future for her, and so I hold that image dear.

I am thankful to have been a stop along her path, for she is a moving beacon of light, and I will not be the last.

I know she will help others and bring more joy into this place, she may leave her mark on you, she may leave a trace.

Be thankful for even that… for that trace that she leaves, you can carry that piece with you, and it can help you to believe.