The Flood I Feed

   Let the sadness sink in once more, let it all come flooding back, what a weak man I must be to fall over and over to the same attack.

   These are the things I say to myself I’m worthless, hideous, an irremediable screw up at best; yet even still I do not let it wear on my soul, it’s nothing but another test.

   I am loved and I am free, made. beautiful in that secret place, my God keeps me and in Him alone I am truly safe.

   Let love flow once again, let the joy come flooding back, no sorrow or darkness can stand to the will of my God, that is how i survive and stand tall after each attack.

I Am More

I am free from such misconceptions of those I held in the past, I see the break of day beyond my terrifying night; I finally can see exactly what is right.

My beliefs were held in question when I chose to let my passion dwindle I felt someone or something was more important but that was my brain being swindled.

I lost my self in the colors I saw and forgot who i was, I forgot my own cause.

Whether others say that I am right or wrong my soul feels contempt and sings a new
sweet song.

This song is sweeter than any that I have spoken of in the past because I have passed foolishness into wisdom and this is wisdom that shall last.

I am made new once again and I’m sure it will come at least a few more Times I am defined by more than some girl, more than a chemical imbalance, and even more than these Rhymes.

May The Earth Bare it’s Bones

I’ve come to stand in a whole new state of mind; inspiration cannot pass while a heart still yearns so if nothing else I have learned.

I have learned that I can not diminish the joy that you bring nor can I rid myself of the way my soul wants after yours; you have shaken me down to my very core.

I am the core of the earth, and you are the shifting plates at my mantel as I can’t stay still I remember how It must be handled.

To calm my very being I must poetically purge myself of these tremendous trimmers then my earth shall sit the plate’s thrust will grow dimmer.

I ponder such placement that my soul would grasp at yours though denial may sting determination cannot die; I told myself id get over it that was a lie.

I can not settle in more ways then one no person fits my standard that I’ve seen under this setting sun.

However as I first looked at you it seemed that somehow I truly knew.

So perhaps the quakes that make the ground quiver are just God shaking me grabbing a hold of my rib and shouting give it to her!

Even the Past Must Move On

I find these old memories lost in the shadows of my mind, I didn’t think they’d be back, but now I’m under attack.

Nostalgia and déjà vu, all at once when i see a picture of you.

What am I to do with this information that I’ve found, that my heart still seeks you, and your voice…I am deafened by the sound.

I know not what to do with these emotions with which I’ve been struck, I can not move, I am simply stuck.

Every word i read,  every picture i see, all I feel are painful memories.

I speak not of a girl or even of a friend,  but simply the past which seems better than this present tense.

That’s the thing about the past,  you get to pick and choose what you see but much of it was costly,  not all joyful and free.

I long for the past for it held simpler times, chasing a brown eyed girl and writing simpler rhymes.

I’ve reached a point that I just long for something more, something beyond my depression, something to make my soul soar.

I look to the past, present, and future for the one thing that remained constant, Yahweh, my God I worship your presence.

So, now I look not to the past, but instead to the present for each step I take will not be woefully spent.

Nostalgia is lovely, but not to be taken fully to heart the memories I’ve made are in the past,  and each day is a new start.

Addiction’s True Face

   Addiction is a thief that creeps in the night,  it steals your soul and instills you with fright.

   Addiction is a war that never will end every single battle you start the fight again.
   Addiction steals your children, addiction steals your life, no matter the addiction it controls you… it’s leash is on tight.

   Addiction will not let go no matter what you do addiction holds on forever not just a day or two.

   So, i advise you my friends please never give in to anything addictive or it may just grab you until the end.

   I have lost my battle one hundred times over but the war still wages on, a war that with the right weapons actually can be won.

   Addiction may grip your throat and refuse to let go but I tell you I serve a God who’s sword will slice through that demons control.

    Addiction will not have me,  no not today, the fight may come back tomorrow but I will try to stay strong; I will keep on fighting though the war may be long.

   Nobody wishes to talk of addictions pains and how it clings, for everyone has felt addictions fatal sting.

   I remind you still that there certainly is hope, scripture will guide you, and prayer will help you cope.

The Winds of My Mind

I have a deep and painful wound, the bleeding will not stop; it cuts deep into my mind and makes it wither like a long dead crop.

  My fields are often watered, flowers do bloom, but the weeds they eat away at all of my produce, refusing to let it stay.

  So, I sway… in the wind, I let it blow through my hair,  the wind that I feel shows me that someone truly cares.

  I am filled with so much emotion,  some of it even rage, nothing feels right,  everything feels strange.

   The wind that blows across my land, flows over my wound and through my crops, everything comes alive, all it took was wind…to make the bleeding stop.

In The Fall

I will forever be in love with those ever changing eyes, that green and gold twisting vortex of leaves, that showed itself… to me.

  I come to understand that your eyes foretold a warning in the way they changed like the fall, you were changing as well, that’s how I lost it all.

  Now I sit in the fall wondering where you’ve gone, I remember it all, staying up talking from dusk till the dawn.

  The way the sun rose when it rose upon your face was the most beautiful sight I’ve seen, it’s been so hard to try and replace.

  I keep searching for answers, but the answers don’t come, i made you more than my world, you were the center of me…my very sun.

  Nature is the only way i could ever think to explain you, so i do it once more, hoping to understand, how did i lose you…and when did i become such a broken man.

  I still have my God, that much i know but  i could swear i felt something pure and true between our two souls; I lost you, and in that i lost control.

  Now that I’ve recovered and picked myself back up, i still feel it all deep within my heart; Ill try to ignore it at least for now, but the thoughts always come back and that is why i feel… like my heart is under attack.

  So i fight through this storm and embrace the change in weather, for this fall is one that will do nothing but sever.

Sweet Purpose

 Oh where can you be found sweet purpose of mine; oh what am i to do with this short life.

   Meanings are elusive for many of life’s mysteries but one that is known is that I’m here to help blind men see.

   I fall and i falter, i hide myself from the Lord, but His watchful eye will always find me, His hands lifting me back up reminding me that the Bible is my sword.

   I follow His word and i know what path to take,  its the one that’s the most challenging, but also the one with less mistakes.

   I follow my God because he leads me in His glory, when i am beside the Lord i needn’t worry about an ending to my story.

   I am here, i am alive, and i’m prepared for a fight,  i look up in prayer and then like an angel i take flight.

   I hope others find sweet purpose by seeing mine, for the sweetest of paths is sometimes the toughest one to climb.

I Am In A river

 I am in a river, flowing steady and strong, it twists and turns for what feels to be far too long.

   Feels like i’m in the deep, struggling to swim above the water, all around me are people on land, none care for me as i reach out desperately with my hand.

   I’ve been in this river for quite some time but still may have a while to go, i cant see the end quite yet but the water’s at least a bit more shallow.

   I haven’t lived in this river my whole life, in fact I’ve been on land many times, most times i was thrown back in the water, but sometimes i just jumped in, i must keep faith there is an end.

   The problem i have with the river is impatience at the core, when i see a way out i jump for it, but i should know by now ill always end up wanting more.

   Its hard to tell where the river ends so we often make mistakes, we leave the river for solid ground but it simply crumbles beneath our feet.

   The river has widened due to my follies so I just keep floating trying to keep faith that God has made my river well and that the end of the river holds a beautiful shell.

   I jumped from the river for shells in the past, but none of them were right, none of them could last.

   I look back on the shells i held and the solid ground on which i stood, i think of the result and I’m in a different mood.

   The river is not so bad, in fact it keeps us from harm, i must hold out until i reach the end, there i will see my perfect shell’s charm.

   I am in a river, flowing steady and strong, it twists and turns for what I’m sure couldn’t be too terribly long.

My Own Psalm

I will not be the man that i was, i claim today separation from the worlds cause.
   I serve a king greater than my struggles, one that doesn’t just lead an army, but also takes up the sword, He is my king, my Lord.

   He leads me beside still waters and lets the beauty of His world shine into my eyes,  i am free from my chains,  i break away from this earthly disguise.

   I am no longer willing to let the light of my soul hide Yahweh fills me up and has held me every time I’ve cried.

   I’ve even cried against my God Himself, I said He must be wrong, i yelled, and… i sobbed, but all the same He held me strong.

   Holy Holy Holy is my God who make me lie down in green pastures, my soul was in turmoil, but he soothed it so that death could not take it’s toll.

   My words can not be right unless they come from You, Yahweh my Lord I acknowledge all of Your word to be true.

   I am in a new world than the one of my past, i am now at peace with my God, and for eternity this peace will last.